Honestly, why does the society have such a negative attitude towards men/women who just want sex? Personally, I’m not into hookups, sex without emotional attachments is just terrible for me. But just because i don’t like it doesn’t mean I’ll impose my ideas on others, nor should they on me.
Often times on dating apps men, and probably women too, don’t say that what they’re looking for is a hookup. So they string someone along, hopefully tell them what they’re looking for on the first date, or worse, ghost them after the deed is done. But why? I haven’t seen a dating app from a guy’s point of view, but I’m sure there must be some women that are also looking for a hookup. Why not go to them instead of misleading and taking advantage of a woman who clearly says they’re looking for a long term relationship on their bio? And even if you don’t want to put the fact that you’re looking for a hookup in your bio, drop it somewhere in your messages before a first date. Stop wasting other people’s time. I have way more respect for a guy who is forthcoming about what they want, than the guy pretending to be a goody two shoes because he doesn’t want to be labeled a fuck boy. Let me tell you, there’s nothing wrong with being a fuck boy/girl so long as they admit that’s what they want to the people are with. If you tell a girl/guy that sex is all you want, then it’s on them if they want more than what you’re willing to give.
All I’m saying is we should stop treating people looking for hookups as these terrible people. This misconception behind fuck boys is hurting the dating world more than it’s helping. Wanting just sex is not a bad thing, and wanting a relationship isn’t either but both parties should feel comfortable with admitting that to themselves and their partners.
Now, if you’re just a disgusting human being who takes pleasure in hurting men/women and taking advantage of them, then you belong in the deepest part of hell.
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Agreed. I’ve actually had a few men hit me up for sex eight off the bat, and while I know some women get really offended, I kind of appreciate it. That way, I can just say “thanks, but not what I’m looking for” and we can both move on. However, I do NOT appreciate the few men who’ve tried to CONVINCE me to hook up after I’ve said “thanks, but no thanks.” I said no, dude, move on. 🙄
Goody two shoes get off on acting like they’re better than the rest of us and say shit like “I’m not like other men my age I’m ready for something serious” but at least I can say that I don’t lead women on and waste their time under false pretenses.
And sure, being upfront disqualifies you from a majority of the dating pool who aren’t into hookups but rejection is normal, there’s always someone else. This is how things are supposed to go but you’re right OP, too many people are worried about trying to present themselves as like this image of the perfect dating prospect instead of being themselves.
Hahaha you are right about people not asking for what they really want, but it *really* boggles the mind to wonder what those truly honest ads on Tinder would look like:
“Well-hung stud 25, 6’1″, muscular, 9 inches where it counts, seeks girl for some no-commitment, no-frills, no-stress pronging. Could be FWB if things work out.”
Something like that? 😁
All of what you said yasss ❤️
>I haven’t seen a dating app from a guy’s point of view, but I’m sure
there must be some women that are also looking for a hookup.
HAHAHAHAHA
Wait, you’re serious?
I always say a real man will not go round circles but go right straight to the point on his initiative intentions . Must come with respect though a a genuine crave for it and if the connection and vibes are all for both sides IT’s always a step towards great things to come . Why not if i feel it and you feel it too !!
I do too
Guys who just want sex are made out to be Monsters who are not allowed to want what they want. I am fine with anyone who wants anything as long as they are upfront about it or as long as in the face of someone telling them how they feel not lying or trying to manipulate someone into something else.
Some people just want sex, some people want relationships some people want something in between just be honest and it would solve most problems in dating today.
I just want to do it like on the Discovery Channel.
I’m with ya. This is why I always tell them to be honest with me. It’s not hard!
> But why? I haven’t seen a dating app from a guy’s point of view, but I’m sure there must be some women that are also looking for a hookup. Why not go to them instead of misleading and taking advantage of a woman who clearly says they’re looking for a long term relationship on their bio?
because they want to have sex and the strategy works so their behavior gets reinforced?
maybe just tell them you’re waiting for marriage
I don’t think it’s an issue with people wanting out right sex and more about people’s egos. Nobody would ever take basically being told “I just want to use you as a sex toy” as a compliment, at least most women wouldn’t. Because of that men will lie because they know being honest will severely lower their options and chances.
It is rarely as simple as wanting sex or relationships. Many people are open to both. Some guys may be looking for a relationship but something about your profile, your first conversations, or your first few dates makes a relationship with you seem less likely and demotes you to a casual sex partner.
I used to say I am open to anything from friends, sex, conversations, workout partner, or a relationship on my dating profiles because I was open to many things and wanted to be transparent and honest. I got very few matches. I changed it to saying I was looking for a relationship and I got a lot more matches and success in finding all of the social interactions I said I was looking for in the older profile. I met cool people, made platonic friends, had hookups, and found my long-term gf shortly after.
It’s better to be upfront about intentions instead of wasting someone’s time
When I was on the apps I was pretty straight forward about it.
I’d say 80-90% of the time it didn’t work but some women responded pretty forwardly as well, and that just made everything so much easier. No need for bullshit or pretending it’s something it isn’t. And for the rest, well, saves me time and effort.
I loved it the very few times (like maybe twice? ever) that a woman would straight up ask for me to come over too, no BS, just straightforward. That deserves respect.
There is such a thing as fuck girls too. Sometimes women just want to hookup.
As for me, if I am not ready for a full on relationship then I will just watch porn. If I just need sexual release, why take a chance on std or unwanted pregnancy?
The thing is it’s awkward af when you talk about sex on apps only to discover each other unattractive IRL.
Well said, OP.
I think it’s because we’ve delegitimized the nature of relationships in the name of female empowerment. Women are encouraged to be confident and empowered in their “womanhood,” but it’s a problem that men want them for it. Women are encouraged to be free to explore their sexuality and sleep with people without shame, but it’s a problem if a man decides to straight up approach a woman for it. Women are encouraged to live vivaciously, free from attachment and empowered to pursue whomever they wish, but if a man *also* wants to live without attachments it’s a problem.
Somewhere along the line we got so caught up in this idea that empowering women could not occur without disempowering men. And in the process we began to disrupt that natural exchange between men and women. Yes, we should try and refrain from shaming a woman from a conscious choice, but it’s a choice both parties need to consent to. Men shouldn’t be ashamed for being upfront with their wants, just as women shouldn’t be ashamed for being upfront with *their* wants. The trade-off is, though, that they have to be permitted to suffer the consequences of their choices.
It’s probably because guys who put “just looking for something casual or fwb” normally won’t get as many matches as guys who lie about wanting something serious.
I appreciate when someone is upfront to that way I can say ✌🏾 but my main issue is that when I say I’m not into that. Guys will TRY to convince me to hook up with them anyways lol
And that to me is what a fuckboy is.
I’m not into casual sex or fwb. I think they’re both a waste of time but to each their own. Just don’t try to convince someone to do it with you out of your own ego
Etheir way I think the hookup culture is what’s hurting the dating scene. Why would anyone want to commit when they can have everything they want without hardly putting any effort in?
Amen you hit the nail on the head
To go along with what you said some men/women may also mislead the other person because they want to have sex with those people who may only be looking for a relationship, even if they aren’t. They still want to have sex with them. Agree with what you said though!
After 8 years on dating apps I’ve seen but a handful of women that openly wanted hook-ups. It’s basically non-existant.
I’d rather someone be honest than string me along and manipulate me for sex. I’ve actually considered taking up the honest offer *shrugs*
Because it’s unsexy to just right off the bat say you want sex (this is the women who DO just want sex). A LOT of women hate it, and prefer to just play the game, because think about how silly it would be if they were that outlandish. They would have astronomical response from men. Imagine a woman putting in her bio “here to fuck a guy I like”. I mean you might as well post naked pictures of yourself, you’d get the same type of attention for it.
And men don’t do it either because they know women don’t respond well to that level of honesty on the whole EVEN IF they just want sex. It leave nothing to the imagination. Subtle hints actually make the hookup more “fulfilling” (if such a thing is possible) and “exciting” particularly for women.
In my opinion, casual sex is very bad for both men and women. There are too many risks and that’s how so many people mess their lives up. That’s just my opinion and it’s okay if nobody else shares it.
I do too. I think just being upfront about your intentions in general is admirable. So many people don’t do this.
Totally agree.. if all they want is casual fun, hook ups, fwb, whatever then say it.. I have more respect for that than like you say being led on that they are looking for something more..
There is nothing wrong with only wanting sex, many women only want this too, just go find each other lol
will you respect me if i outright tell you that i just want marriage? 😉
Yes it is nice when people are upfront. As a guy I’ve had women say they are only interested in sex and nothing else, first time I was surprised, not by the fact she wanted sex but the upfront honesty. I only have sex when I have that special connection so I respectfully said no thanks but thanked her for being upfront, she was shocked I said no lol.