Hello I’m a 24 male.
I’ve been on this sub for some years and just getting advice overall. I didn’t decide to date until my senior year of college. (22-23).
I’ve never been on a date or had a gf. But I’ve read every advice on here and I finally was able to land my very first date 3 months ago. I improved my appearance, my social skills and overall give out a good energy.
Most of the advice worked on HOW to get a date.
But I never received other useful advice. Like not getting attached to only 1 girl etc.
I was seeing/talking to 1 girl for about 2-3 months. I would put all my attention to her and soon I was getting too attached too fast. I then started to realize that I was not the only guy she was talking. I was one of a couple 4-6 guys.
Even though the advice worked on getting a date. Getting attached to 1 person affected my mental health after realizing I was just one of many guys. It felt as if it was a competition and see who was the best guy. I got a lot of issues from this. Like feeling not good enough, constantly waiting for her text messages, relying my mood on hers, etc.
So I guess this post is a lesson to guys out there. Don’t over focus on one person. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Keep your options open. I am still mentally recovering from the feeling I felt but I know it was partially my fault being naive and new to dating. Don’t get attached to 1 person when first dating!
5 comments
50 yo dude here.
I think I’d say more don’t immediately invest everything in the first person you come across. You’ve got to spend time with them to find out if it’s a real fit. You need to have a problem in the relationship before you know if you guys can communicate well enough to problem solve, etc.
Before you’re exclusive , definitely just enjoy the time out and don’t get too invested. If you want more say so. If they want more hope they say so. If you’re into , cool , if not you move on.
When are you going to take responsibility for yourself and stop saying you weren’t told to do X or Y or Z?
Well after 2 months I would expect to check if you are exclusive or not.
>But I never received other useful advice. Like not getting attached to only 1 girl etc.
Well, you can actually talk about this by the 3rd or 4th date and say that you don’t know where things are going but that you’re the type to date one person at a time. And see if they’re okay with that
You’re allowed to ask for exclusivity without asking to be official or not.
I remember when I mentioned, on an online forum, similar to Reddit, that I had a crush on three girls at once, someone yelled at me, saying that I didn’t give a shit about either of them, because I was possibly thinking of pursuing the three of them at once. That’s the thing, you’re not supposed to get attached to just one person. I mean, it’s not like I was actually dating either of these people at the time. These were just people that I was interested in. Obviously, had I started dating one of them, I wouldn’t have bothered with the other two. But if we were just talking, and we weren’t really official, then, yes, I probably would have tried to talk to the other two as well.