TL;DR: I am not anywhere near who I once was just a few years back. I am bitter, get angry and annoyed with the world and people, I am unhappy, look for external validation, and overall kind of annoying. I am looking to find ways to stop this behavior and be a fun, happy, easy going, positive guy again. I don’t know where to start.
I (31M) was once a guy who was happy, positive, hopeful for the future and made people and myself feel good. I have become this person who looks at everything with negativity, anger, annoyance, and bitterness. I can hardly keep a conversation anymore without annoying the other person and I absolutely hate this. I used to make people feel good and would make friends a lot easier. I feel angry about the world and things people say and do and it eats me up inside. I feel like I lost out on dating in my 20’s and I am not happy with my current relationship with my girlfriend of 7 years. I have tried to work things out and have mature conversations with her about things, but she drives me insane and has eaten away at my confidence. I feel like I am stuck in the relationship and I feel guilt for feeling like this is the wrong relationship after all this time. What are some ways to work through this bitterness and get back on track with who I was and who I truly am as a happy and positive person?
8 comments
Get screened for depression and anxiety. Both of these cause irritability, impatience etc. I would start there, but then honestly evaluate if you’ve outgrown the people you are surrounded with. I can imagine if you’ve evolved and grown while everyone around you stayed the same you would be irritated, frustrated, and not sure about why you’re so uncomfortable since “nothing” changed. But in reality, you changed.
First of all, break up with the girlfriend you no longer want to be with. There’s no point in dragging out a dead relationship. Second, you need to make a habit of looking for positives in your life. This will probably be easier when you are no longer in a relationship that appears to be harming you.
I looked at your two other posts about your girlfriend. You need to break up. Clearly you are deeply unhappy and that is coming out in your personality change.
Also, therapy might be a good idea. You have put up with a lot of behaviour from your girlfriend that definitely sounds abusive.
It really sounds like you are deeply unsatisfied with your relationship with your gf, and I’d giving serious consideration to breaking up. When you are trying to force a relationship that just isn’t working, it can really drag you down. It sounds like you are staying together mostly because you have sunk a lot of time and energy into the relationship, rather than because it is bringing you joy. That is a recipe for stress, depression, and frustration.
Getting screened for depression/anxiety is definitely a great idea as others have already said.
My next piece of advice is change the things about your life that are making you the most miserable, if you can. Maybe this relationship with your girlfriend has run its course! If she’s making you miserable, break up.
My final piece of advice is going to sound really annoying probably, and I apologize for that: try to work on actively practicing gratitude for things in your life that ARE good. I got this from Brene Brown, where she talks about the difference between having an attitude of gratitude vs a PRACTICE of gratitude, meaning that you intentionally think about or write down things that you are grateful for on a regular basis. Or that you take time in a moment when you’re happy to focus on that good feeling and being grateful for it, instead of worrying about how it won’t last forever. That’s an oversimplification, but this has helped me deal with serious health issues and severe trauma (as a complement to medical care and therapy, not instead of those things).
Ultimately, part of you might feel like your bitterness is justified, and that if you let go of it, it’s like saying that the bad things that have happened to you are okay. That bitterness might feel like righteous anger. Does letting it go mean you’re accepting that you don’t deserve better? I’d argue that trying to let go of your bitterness actually means that you know you DO deserve better, and you know that your bitterness is just hurting yourself.
Your gf is a lazy slob who can’t handle being one room away from you.
You deserve better.
Reading your other posts, it’s time to plan an exit from the gf.
I think a good step would be counseling. Individual for sure and you can try couples counseling but it may be time just to end the relationship. It sounds like the relationship is detrimental to your own mental health and may be part of the reason you are feeling so bad.