My wife reconsiders our marriage (very long story)

I will try to be concise. (Not an easy task and it really won’t be short)

Me and my wife have known eachother for over 10 years since summer camp when we were teens.
Because of my ex, who I luckily DID NOT marry (thank God), I had to cut ties with my current spouse.
We had no contact for about 4-5 years.

The contact came back soon after me and my ex broke up. I wasn’t the one to text first as I didn’t want her to feel like a second choice or sth like that. She didn’t know me and my ex broke up either. She has just kept texting me every once in a while and this time I could reply.

We were in a long distance relationship for a about a year (she had moved to another country shortly after the summer camp). We’ve seen eachother quite often for a longer period of time. During that time we got married- she was pushing it a little, it made sense for my immigration process, I generally wanted it because I had no doubts about her. It would probably take us more time to get married in “normal” circumstances but like I said it, I was ready for it.

Fast forward to what’s happening today- we have problems. Since I have moved 4 months ago we had no sex which is bizarre for me- freshly wedded couple, who has finally started living together after 1 year of long distance relationship AND, who has had sex nearly everyday. She has a little health condition regarding her genitals- she easily gets infections, but again so do many women and it isn’t the root of our problems.

I have a little psychological background so I know when things go shit there’s a reason for it. I talk A LOT with her about this situation. I’m not afraid of difficult conversations and unfortunately I have to pull the thread each time we talk about difficulties. She needs to put a lot of effort in order to do that.

She said that she imagined our living together differently- I’m not well organised, I have problems with taking the initiative around our apartment and keeping things clean, but I’m working really hard on it. I still knew this was just the tip of an iceberg and she wasn’t telling me everything.

I got impatient and went through her texts (shame on me I know). She confessed to her friend and to her mother and two sisters that she doesn’t feel attracted to me, that she doesn’t know if she loves me and a divorce starts sounding like an option.

I confronted her about it and we went through the conversations I ve read together because while I was reading them I was under influence of heavy emotions and I didn’t want to misinterpret some of the things I’ve read. She answered all of my questions

PLOT TWIST: she kissed a girl, twice, on two different occasions, few weeks apart, who she has a crush on. No sex.

PLOT TWIST: she has been in a relationship with another girl which I didn’t know about earlier. (It was long before we regained contact)

My situation:
-in a new country
-no friends, no family
-in an early relationship phase where you want to spend most of the time with your so
-horny af (every hole starts looking extra hot and curvy. Yes toilet paper hole I’m looking at you)
-in doubt whether wife loves me or not (she says she does and I don’t know how much it’s true and how much she wants it to be)
-sometimes I get really low days where I don’t really want to do anything (happens rarely but it’s pain in the ass)
-uncertain about the future
-want to have a healthy relationship and have children

My wife’s problems;
-not certain about her gender preference,
-brought up in a toxic environment because of her father in early stage, and then because of her oldest sister after she moved
-childhood trauma (a lot of bad stuff I don’t want to mention)
-still in toxic relationship with few family members
-quick thinker, makes impulsive decisions (“I desire it now so now must I posses it)
-not sure if she wants children anymore (she was positive earlier)
-wants to make most of the decisions the way she wants it

Steps I ve taken:
-trying to give wife more space,
-talk even more about problems,
-separated finances (everything used to be shared earlier, now I only pay for my part)
-downloaded an app to speed up finding friends process, today I’m going on a bro date
-presented options we have to my wife
-trying to be more self centered (not easy, still in early relationship phase)

Options I presented to my wife:
-divorce straightaway,
-waiting another year and making a decision afterwards,
-waiting another year, but in an open marriage,
-waiting another year, but in an open marriege, but only for her (I will explain it later)

The reason I posted this story is not because I need your- redditors’ general help, because I know what I want in my life and I’m getting better and better at it. Mostly I wanted to share my sorrows and I know you bastards love drama so it’s a win-win situation. I do have some questions you could help me with though.

I also don’t need you to criticize her, feel free about doing that to me though. I’m not looking for your approval is what I’m saying. I know that mostly I am in the right and she has admitted that herself.

My definition of marriage is being dedicated to only one person. That’s why I’m a little lost- can you go back to that type of marriage after year of open relationship? Does it make sense and is it at all possible? Has anyone of you actually made that decision and has it worked well for you?

That’s the reason, I gave the option of open relationship but only for her. I want to have sex, and boy oh boy I could use some hookup or to have someone on the side. But if I really want this marriage to work I don’t know if that’s the right way to achieve it.

If we decide to stay together with my wife after the the year passes I want to:
-have a religious wedding (we only have state marriage)
-have children in the next 2-3 years
-share finances again
-have sex regularly (like at lest once a week, I know there are exceptions and I’m ok with it I just want sex to be present in my life not like a b’day present ) as long as I stay committed, care for her and the apparent, be a good husband in general
-limit contact with toxic persons in her family,

I know we need professional help. Right now, I don’t think a couples therapy is a solution for me- it cost shit ton of money and I don’t want to waste it if we were to split after the year passes. (I know it is hipocratic of me: I want this marriage to work but I don’t want to invest money in it. What’s your opinion on that?)

Is it fair to expect her to go to a one-on-one therapy to work her problems first, and then if we still want to be together and our problems aren’t solved yet, go to couples therapy?

I know I have a lot of flaws too and I didn’t write much about them so if you have any questions feel free to ask I will be honest about it.

I’m sorry it was so long and if I forgot anything important or if my writing is unbearable to read- I hope Godzilla is alright and Darth Vader doesn’t need to worry about her.

If you’re interested and have any further questions be my guest.