I (25F) have repeatedly matched with this guy (26M) on Bumble and Tinder over the past year. We would match when he was home, he goes to grad school and lives in another city most of the time. The other times we matched we would try to meet but timing was not aligning.
Last month, we were finally able to meet. The chemistry and attraction was immediate. The conversation was the easiest I’ve ever had with someone I’d just met and he prioritized my feeling safe and comfortable the whole time. We had already agreed to hook up, I understood that he’s never really around and I have some personal things going on that wouldn’t put me in the best position for something more serious either. We start hooking up and things escalate and we have sex. All is good, both of us wanting to, good fun time. We finish and go back to talking for longer, same energy and vibe continues.
We exchanged numbers before meeting up and when I left I asked for his socials and he gave them to me. Said he never goes on so it’ll take awhile for him to accept. I texted him the next day expressing I was glad we met, hoping maybe he would mention wanting to meet up again because it was apparent from my end that I would be down. Looking back I realize his text replies were much lower energy than mine at the time. Inevitably I matched his energy and then he left me on read and haven’t heard from him in the almost month now since.
I understand I was entering a more casual situation and am grateful he was upfront about it in some capacity. I don’t regret the experience at all. I am just struggling with the confusion of feelings I wasn’t expecting because I didn’t expect us to get along how well I felt we did.
Because of the nature of our repeated matching part of me thinks maybe he’ll reach out again but I don’t want to hold myself back in that way and I think he didn’t want to promise to me anything he couldn’t deliver on.
Any advice on how to move on? I have been trying to put myself out there and date other guys now but I can’t help comparing the lack of chemistry/ease/attraction to what we had.
3 comments
Give it time, cause it sounds like you fell for him.. Trying to date other ppl immediately after an intense relationship like that isn’t gonna match up no matter..
Maybe next time try to shoot for something alittle bit more serious, I keep reading how hookups take a toll on ppls mental health over time.
You’ll find someone soon enough just give your self some time to clear your head. Take care
You just need to come to the realization that you don’t even know this guy. You’ve only met him once. He isn’t special, he’s just another guy. If he was interested in contacting you again, he would have done so by now. Not every sexual encounter leads to something more, and they shouldn’t either. Some people are just for one night, he might be one of them.
Even if he enjoyed the date/hookup as much as you he clearly isn’t very available. He clearly doesn’t want to lead you on by giving you the impression he wants /is available for more. I am sure he was flattered by your message. Just take some time and when you think about him don’t play out fantasy senarios in your mind or ruminate through bad thoughts like he hates you for messaging him. Think you had a good time and hookup with someone who enjoyed it too and now you have gone your seperate ways as you agreed to do. Eventually the feel good chemicals will burn out and you will start looking forwards to something else.