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They don’t call it dutch courage for no reason. If this is something that is holding you back, perhaps seek medical help and see if some sort of prescription is in order?
You already recognized that it’s not right, which is hard, just like that first step, comes the next one, stopping the drinking as much as possible and analysing the good things about yourself, working on things that are not so good and getting with that some confidence to make better decisions.
The world won’t stop if we make things wrong or right, and as hard as we judge ourselves, we should be forgiving too to out faults so we can overcome them and get stronger. Life will still be hard, but with efforts it can be pleasing sometimes too, being positive is about those efforts and being happy is an attitude more than an emotion.