My boyfriend and I have been together for two and a half years now and I feel like we’ve hit a point in our relationship where we cannot stop going at each other. Every little thing makes me mad and every little thing makes him mad. I can’t remember the last time we had a day without at least one argument. I love him so much but lorddddd I cannot take this fighting much longer.
They’re usually over the dumbest things, like putting a pair of jeans in the light wash basket, or not making the bed. Sometimes it’s over not helping with dishes, or working late. I KNOW that I start a fight for no reason and I always regret it after, but it’s like I can’t help but open my mouth?? And same goes for him. We both are fully aware that we’re fighting over such stupid small pointless stuff but yet we still do it!
We also have our moments of being upset with each other over bigger things like not feeling appreciated, not putting in effort to spend intentional time together, etc. but the biggest issue for us right now is the constant little fights.
Some points to add – we just moved in together for the first time last month. I am on a BC that is widely known for causing extreme mood swings (not that that’s an excuse for any behavior!)
So are we just not meant for each other at this point or is this not a rare thing for couples to deal with? And HOW do we get out of this rut???? This is both of our first “serious” relationship and the length we’ve been together + living together is new for each of us.
TL;DR my boyfriend of two years and I can’t stop arguing over pointless little things, how do we get passed this.
Edit: just in case there’s any confusion, when I say fighting, I don’t mean screaming matches. We don’t yell at each other, we just mention random things that make us mad and then feel like we’re being blamed and go back and forth dwelling on it. We have always been pretty good with communicating in the past and if we’re mad about something we always explain why and have never had any issues working it out. It’s just lately we seem to be picking fights for no real reason (that we can see)
3 comments
I’d take a step back and try to identify the bigger overall themes you’re fighting about. It’s not just about one or two things (not making the bed), but it may actually be more about how one of you feels like the other doesn’t contribute enough around the house or is lazier. These little things build up and you end up fighting about the small things when it’s really about overall habits.
Sit down with him and really talk it out. “Hey, I know we’ve been fighting a lot and I know neither of us enjoys it. I think it’s not that you do xyz, but more that I feel overall you…”
It seems you store things up and he reacts and although your value systems do not match yet you love each other there is just this communication thing right?
I suggest the 10 10 method. You each set aside 10 minutes to share thoughts, feelings and actions without interruption but taking turns. This prevents and immediate response by you or him until it is his turn or your turn. This lowers the temperature in the room usually to sort daily wants and needs out and work toward compromises and or changes in behavior. Good luck.
No disrespect but didn’t even read,, just break up. You’re too young for fighting to be central to your relationship