Hello everyone.
I feel like I (20NB AMAB) should start by saying that I’m gay. I’ve struggled with finding relationships for almost my whole life. However, a little over one year ago, I met the man who is now my first boyfriend (who is now 20M). Our relationship has been going pretty strong for about a year now. We’ve moved in together into an apartment and have been very supportive of each other’s efforts.
I’ve been doing some research into proposing to my boyfriend (not necessarily because I plan to be anytime soon, more just for curiosity) and most articles or people I talk to describe that you have to know that your partner is “the one”, or something along those lines. I truly love my partner. He knows me better than anyone else in this world, and vice versa. But it worries me that I will never know if he is “the one” as I have never had any other relationships. Should I be talking to him about this? Should we be trying an open relationship?
TLDR: I’ve been in a happy relationship for about a year but I’m unsure if I’ll ever know if he’s “the one” because it’s my first relationship.
6 comments
There is no such thing as “the one.”
There are people you’re compatible with and people you aren’t.
On a planet of over 7 billion people thinking there is only one person that you can form a relationship with is completely unrealistic.
First of all there is no “one.” And if there was a one then you would have to be with everyone before knowing who is the one. There will always be someone else. There’s a reason “LIFE” has “IF” in the middle. It’s because no matter how long you live, you will always wonder “what if…?” I don’t know if you should open up your relationship. Just be with someone who makes you happy.
There is no “the one”, but there’s certainly lots of pragmatic considerations that go beyond just really, really loving him. Do your long-term goals line up for careers, locations, marriage, and children (and do you even know what your long-term goals are)? Are you able to resolve relationship disputes as they come up? Are you able to handle a shared living environment where you both face everyday domestic issues and can work together to resolve them?
>Should I be talking to him about this?
It might not hurt to talk about it, although you’d have to lay it on easy on him and gauge how he feels. 20 is generally a young age to get married, and it’s not the most common for people your age to talk seriously about marriage only 1 year into the relationship. But if he’s open to talking about it, then sure, talk about it.
>Should we be trying an open relationship?
What’s this got to do with anything else? If you’re asking for the sake of getting additional relationship experience to contextualize your own experience, that isn’t really necessary, and you run the risk of several complications if you aren’t prepared for them.
I’M SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!! 😭❤️
It brings me joy to see people in happy, healthy, relationships. While I do not believe in the theory of the mystical “One”, I do believe there are multiple people in the world we are extremely compatible with. Sounds like you hit a home run right out the gate! Don’t let hetero-normative narratives on the internet get you overthinking. ❤️
(Took me multiple abusive relationships and a failed marriage to find my partner)
You’ve got this. ❤️
Also, I proposed to my man in the dumbest, goofiest way. There’s no right or wrong, no “the one”. If you love one another, and are willing to weather every proverbial storm together, that’s all you need.
You don”t need other relationships to know if you truly want to be with someone. You just need to know you are happy together, you are compatible, your relationship works (you are true partners), and that you do not want to lose that person.
I don’t believe in “the one”, but I do believe in making something real and lasting with someone who you are truly happy and compatible with.
I have always found the idea of “the one” to be a bit silly. There are lots of guys out there who you could have a happy life with.
It’s true that dating around helps you see how different relationships can be and shows you what it is like to be more or less compatible with people, and then eventually when you meet somebody you are super compatible with, you know it. But the healthiest thing is always to focus on whether or not you are happy in your current relationship. And it sounds like you are quite happy with it, so just keep enjoying it. Things may change in your relationship and you’ll want to try seeing other people, or if you’re still feeling happy with the relationship in a few years you may have just hit the jackpot and maybe you’ll get married. I recommend waiting until you’re at least 25 to really think about getting engaged, especially if it’s still your first relationship.