So before Christmas I met a guy and we really hit it off. He’s American and went back there for the holidays right after we met but asked to see me a few days after he gets back in January. We both said we don’t want to rush into a relationship because we’ve both been in ones that have moved really fast and then crashed. For me, I would like to see where things go.
Throughout Christmas, he was texting me every single day and it’s been great. He’s been saying about places he wants to take me etc.
He got back and that same evening, he asked if I wanted to go for a few drinks with him so I did because I didn’t have plans. One thing led to another and we ended up back at his.
So far, we’ve had around 6 dates and slept together every time we’ve seen eachother. I’ve been staying at his house too but I’m yet to invite him back to mine to stay. When we are together, he’s very affectionate, loves to kiss, cuddle, he cooks for me etc and we have a great time.
The problem is when we aren’t together. Some days he texts me back and forth, but one day he didn’t text me back for a full day. For example, I commented on one of his Instagram stories and he read it but just flat out ignored it.
I know not everyone is a big texter but it’s 2023 and if someone is showing online yet they just choose not to text you back, is that a sign he just doesn’t like me as much as he’s physically showing? Everyone has their phone next to them and can reply within a day. It just feels a bit insulting. He apologized the other day because I was trying to ask what time we were meeting up and I only had a proper plan on the actual day.
I just don’t know if I’m reading too much into it or whether I need to cut and run asap. It’s making me feel bad about myself when I have tonnes to offer.
14 comments
For more context: What have the dates been like? Were they all at his place?
You don’t have evidence that he doesn’t like you, you have evidence that he doesn’t live to text you. Maybe try calling him.
Also, consider if there are ways you aren’t reciprocating, similar to how you haven’t invited him to your place. Have you told him places you want to take him? Neat
dates could be his love language.
I think you need to have a conversation with him not about texting but where he sees this going. You’re clearly at the point where you like him and want this to continue, but you doing know how he feels — so you’re trying to read texts like tea leaves here.
When I go on social media, that’s my time. I don’t answer the phone. I don’t text back to people. Just because someone sees me online doesn’t make me free and available to everyone.
I also look at my notifications (I have OCD) to get rid of them. Sometimes I remember to get back to that person, and sometimes I don’t. If you have doubts, you should communicate with him.
He didn’t text you for one whole day after 6 dates?!?! Oh…..the humanity!!!…..
You know, people do have lives outside of their phone. No, not everyone has their phone sitting next to them to instantly return a text message. People have jobs, and get sick, or just have days they want to be left alone.
Hope you guys are connecting more than physical intimacy. People often confuse physical intimacy with real connections.
>We both said we don’t want to rush into a relationship because we’ve both been in ones that have moved really fast and then crashed.
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>So far, we’ve had around 6 dates and slept together every time we’ve seen eachother.
I mean.. You suggested that you don’t want to rush into a relationship and proceeded to sleep with the guy. If I’m the guy in this scenario I would assume you want FWBs and that’s what I’ve signed up for?
Also regarding communication etc I’m really not sure what you expect. When you’ve got two people who openly admit they’ve been in fast-moving relationships that crash and burn it sounds like two people who care more about passionate relationships than functional ones.
Whole reason this subreddit tends to place more emphasis on actions/behaviours than words is because words are cheap. It’s easy to say you both don’t wanna rush in, but you’re six dates in, sex on every date, sleepovers on most dates, etc.
If you think that’s slow, you must think I move at a glacial pace.
I don’t think this is a big deal. Imagine looking back at your life in 50 years and realizing you let go of a good one because he didn’t reply to your Instagram comment.
I know it can feel really personal when people don’t reply – I’ve been there – but most of the time it’s not with ill intent. Esp an Instagram comment – I don’t reply to all of those and it’s not me being mean! It’s also really easy to open the app, get distracted by something, and forget to reply.
I think the more concerning thing is having a sleepover every time. It’s not necessarily bad but it’s easy to confuse physical intimacy with emotional intimacy. However, you’ve *agreed* not to rush things and take them slow…. but your expectations don’t totally seem in line with that. It seems sort of like you’ve accidentally agreed to be a hookup.
Men like a bit of a chase.
Your not entitled to his time because you met a few times. He’s American and has a whole other life that is completely different from yours. He shouldn’t have to text you everyday in order to keep your insecurities at bay, you need to keep your insecurities at bay yourself. Your coming across too clingy.
This does not sound like he wants a legitimate relationship if you can’t hang out and go on a single date without the focus being fucking. Guys who don’t “rush” if you’ve had over a month’s worth of dates without talking about exclusivity are usually stalling. Just ask him what you guys are and if he’s seeing other people.
It’s never a good idea to jump in bed and ask questions later unless you know you are the type to not get emotionally attached. The dating subs are littered with this exact scenario over and over again from different women (and sometimes men). Just because you have one conversation on a first date doesn’t mean you’re on the same page.
I think you really need to ask yourself what you want and what you are capable of. Moving too fast is a sign of insecurity. Want to feel secure? A good option is to not sleep with someone until you define the relationship. That way, you don’t get emotionally attached and can take your time to evaluate if that person is 1)a good fit for you & 2) that their effort match their words.
And if someone doesn’t want to wait? Or they don’t want to have those talks? Next them. They’re not on the same page as you and that doesn’t make them bad, it makes them not a good fit for you. Think of it as ‘screening’ people and know that many won’t make the cut. But the one that does means you’re going to have a higher quality of relationship instead of having to backpedal with someone that now holds all the cards.
You might be overanalysing. I do the same (many people do) when we like someone. Tiny things take on a lot of importance, things that in reality probably don’t mean anything. If I notice myself doing this, I try to tell myself that I’m trying to predict possible future hurt. You know, try to see it coming. But then I use very lousy data to predict this. “His texts take longer than usual”, “His texts are shorter”, “He didn’t text me today”. But those things don’t mean what I think they mean.
Texting habits are also very individual. Especially 30+ year olds don’t give it so much importance. Important things are: does he make plans to see you? Is he interested in who you are (not just your body)? Etc.
Not responding to story comment is not a big deal especially if it’s not a question or really needs a response.
Not texting you back for a day when he is otherwise very responsive is maybe annoying or could cause anxiety if it’s not his normal behavior. Especially if you’re attempting to make plans. But if it’s not his usual behavior then I don’t think I’d make too much of it.
Ask him what he’s looking for and see if you’re on the same page before you decide to “cut and run” because that would be an exaggerated response at this point. You’re feeling insecure because you don’t know where things stand. While his actions show that he likes you and enjoys your time together, sex included, his intentions are unknown. This could be purely casual and he could be dating other women, or he might be seriously interested in you. ASK.