Then I got the text explaining that he had HSV, full disclosure, would I be comfortable continuing dating. I googled everything about it, still not sure if it’s worth the risk.

27 comments

  3. Yes of course. You didn’t research enough. You’re likely to contract from future partners as well. There’s always risk.

    It’s a matter of liking this person or not. Do you see a future with him?

    Outbreaks are spaced out quite a bit. If he’s in tune with his body and takes medicine right away after an outbreak the symptom disappears. You’re not going to get it if he doesn’t have symptoms.

  4. No one’s ever stopped dating me because of my HSV. If you’ve had an active sex life, the chances that you’ve already been exposed are pretty high. It’s one of the most common viruses in humans, most people don’t have any symptoms (thus don’t know they had it) and condoms don’t completely protect from it. I’d say, give it time, ask them more so that you are well informed, and if you really like them and would see a future with them, it won’t be an issue. Hell, someone who tells it in front is an honest person willing to take the risk of you not wanting to see them again to protect you and keep you informed of the risk – you’d be surprised that it’s not the case for most.

    If you want an fwb, then just move on, not worth the risk.

  5. Depends which varient, oral herpes HSV-1 or genital HSV-2.

    I wouldn’t consider dating anyone with HSV-2 and would be very wary of those with symptomatic HSV-1 who frequently have flare ups. Particularly with very large lip cold sores or facial blisters.

  6. BIG ‘OL NOPE! I just got tested full panel all clear. Had some not smart drunken unprotected encounters and now I will be requesting a full panel before ever sleeping with someone again. Not worth the lifelong complications.

  7. I feel like if you’re already leaning towards a no, then it sounds like a no. My favorite phrase is, “if it’s not a hell yes, it’s a hell no.” You should let him know, because you don’t want to string him along.

  8. Go search my previous comments, I’ve discussed it in other threads. Just be careful with your encounters and you should be fine. Worse come to worse there’s medication to help reduce the chance of spreading.

  9. Oral yes, genital no. I don’t want to risk having to tell all my future partners/dates about my STD. There’s no cure for it. I might make an exception for someone, but definitely not for a random person I met online.

  10. Absolutely not! Why even take that risk? It’s only been two dates and you’re not fully invested.

  12. Never. My health anxiety couldn’t never. I only have sex with people I am connected to deeply (which was very few) and have screened them fully before hand. Some people don’t care/will accept the risk. My guess based on your post you are leaning towards no. That totally ok you don’t have to if it makes you uncomfortable.

  13. I understand that it seems like a lot. But if you really like him then I say go for it. HSV is SO stigmatized. Its the most common std in the world and it’s manageable. 67% of the population on earth has it. 88% of people who have it don’t even know they have it. Most doctors won’t even test for it unless you ask. Also if you’ve ever had chicken pox, you have the herpes virus in your system lol But you can also have HSV1 genitally, that means if you have sex with someone with a cold sore in their mouth and they go down on you, you can get it that way as well.

  14. It seems like everyone has stats ranging from 15 to 80 percent. I mean this point I’m really just curious? I

  15. Looks like you’ve already made up your mind about it.

    Dealbreakers are dealbreakers. You could have pulled the plug on a guy after finding out he’s a single dad after the first date. Everyone has their reasons.

    That being said, nothing stopping a STD tested guy from cheating on you and giving it to you that way. Caution doesn’t guarantee safety. You might be on the other side of the table one day, telling a guy that you have HSV (that you contracted through no fault of your own) and asking him if he wants to continue dating you.

  16. Like I said, a gamble, I suppose it could easily have been my awkward text if I had been a little less careful. Another option is keep it non sexual for a period of time to decide if it’s worth the potential risk. Not trying to judge, life happens with bad decisions

  17. hsv is a very common disease and you probably already hooked up with someone that has it. Not necessarily, you will develop the symptoms. Most of the times, the virus stays latent in your body and you will only show symptoms in a few periods.
    I already kissed a guy that has it, years ago. I never manifested any symptoms.

  18. This happened to me and I will tell you what i did – make an appt to speak to your doctor and get their advice. They are qualified to give you info.

    As to what i did, yes, I did date the person and have no regrets.

  19. There’s a post like this almost everyday and the people saying hell no make me so sad. I can’t speak for everyone, because everyone is different. But I have HSV2. It sounds a lot worse than it is. I hardly get outbreaks or am affected by it other than thinking of it always and how most people just think of me as “herpes girl” or something if the sort. It’s super rad he disclosed this information to you, a lot of people don’t. 1 in 6 people have a form of HSV whether they are aware or asymptomatic. There are daily anti-virals and refrain from sex during outbreaks. Just do research.

  20. If you want to continue seeing him it’s fair for you to ask him questions like how often does he have outbreaks, how far in advance can he feel them coming, is he taking medication to prevent outbreaks, how long has he had it. Stuff like that is kind of important. If someone has a good immune system the longer they have it the less frequent their outbreaks usually are, if someone is aware of their body they can tell before it comes out so you can avoid touching it because it is contagious before the outbreak which makes it problematic.

    If they only get an outbreak every five years, and they are taking medication to prevent that one from even happening, the risk to you is very low. You can talk to your doctor for more information. But you need more information from them for you to figure out how much of a risk there is to you in the first place.

  21. I used to hook up with someone with it. He was honest right away before we had sex. He was medicated and we never had sex without a condom or during a flare up. All was good! He’s now in a very happy and loving relationship too !

  22. My dad’s third wife had HSV, they were together for (too many) years and he never got it. As long as you are both safe and aware then it really shouldn’t be an issue.

    If you’re still not sure, sit down and have a legit conversation about it and he can explain what it would mean for you as partners in the long-run.

  23. HSV1 and HSV2 are sexually transmitted. Both can be either on oral or genitals. They are visibly the same. U can get HSV1 on your genitals and HSV2 on your mouth.

    I have been with my boyfriend for a year with no-symptom HSV1 which I once had down there. And he has never got it. And I have never flared up since.

    I would recommend just not having sex when/if he gets flare ups.

  24. Whether it’s 1 or 2, no. I’ve gone on a date with two different girls that had hsv (one had both) and I can’t explain the paranoia I got when a bump formed in my mouth weeks later since all we ended up doing was kissing a bit. It’s not worth a life altering disease to me but you might feel differently. Sort of similar to a pregnancy scare for someone that doesn’t want kids if I had to compare it to something.

  25. I’ve been having sex with my long term partner (multiple times a week) for almost a year now and I haven’t caught the hsv-2. We use condoms everytime tho and don’t have sex for a few days if she’s having an outbreak (which has happened only twice now). Just be smart about it and your probably going to be fine…..never a zero chance but for someone special it’s definitely worth the risk

  26. Obviously this is a choice you have to make for yourself, OP. But I wanted to chime in and add that this guy, who went out of his way to tell you something very personal and probably quite embarrassing or even shameful for him, sounds like he is a man of good character. He has almost NOTHING to gain by telling you he has HSV. Yet, he told you to PROTECT and HONOR YOU. He told you so that you could make a decision for yourself.

    Idk what your current dating intentions are, like if you are just looking for a short term casual thing or if you’re shopping for a husband, but if I were in your shoes I’d have gained a ton of respect for this guy after he told you. HSV is very very manageable and there have been studied that show with the proper precautions, monogamous couples have gone years without the HSV-positive partner spreading HSV to the HSV-negative partner.

    This guy sounds like potential husband material to me. Now you just have to choose whether you like him in that way and are willing to take this risk. And it’s ok if you’re not willing to! You reserve that right! It’s also ok to tell him you’re not sure and you’d like to continue getting to know him without having sex with him until you are ready to decide.

    But I just hope my comment can help you think about the bigger picture outside of “I might have to potentially tell every future sexual partner of mine that I have HSV now too” because there’s a lot more to this situation than just that.

    ETA: [link to the study I mentioned](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC544977/). I have HSV and I refer my partners to this study when I have to have “the talk”

  27. I probably would not risk it. If you were absolutely sure you wanted to move forward with this guy then that might be different but if you’re not sure then I would say no.

    I got a cold sore from a guy I wasn’t dating but liked and it affected me a lot at first. He didn’t tell me he had it beforehand (said he didn’t know he was having an outbreak), which made it worse but I think it would have been not ideal either way. I have a bad immune system but either way the outbreaks are painful and frustrating. And that’s the oral kind. Genital would have been even worse I imagine. I’ve got it under control now and don’t get outbreaks as much, and I have medication that helps when I need it, but the first year was hell.

    You of course should go forward in whatever way you feel best. It seems you’re already stressed about it though, so I would just proceed with caution and don’t pressure yourself.

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