My boyfriend (21M) and I (20F) have been together for almost 2 years. We have a pretty consistent sex life, although we don’t get to spend as much time together as we would like, due to conflicting work schedules. He came over last night after we both got off work (drove an hour from his work to my apartment at 11PM, so we were both exhausted.) Around 1:30am as we were cuddling and almost asleep, he got a boner and initiated sex. We did make out for a short amount of time first, and he also went down on me first so that I could cum. He fucked me after that, but my overthinking has gotten the best of me since we had sex. Normally, he moans loudly when he cums, and will kiss me passionately as he’s finishing. He also will normally hold me very close for a few minutes during missionary and the intimacy in these things make sex that much better.
Last night however, he did not do those things. He came, but he didn’t seem to cum as hard as he normally does, and did not do the intimate acts that I talked about before. He also pulled out and came on my body/face when he normally cums inside of me. I don’t mind that he came on me at all, it is just not usually what he does and the lack of intimacy has sent me into MAJOR overthinking mode. He still cuddled me immediately after, and told me he loved me. I know that he was extremely tired and he did end up falling asleep almost immediately, so I know his exhaustion could be the explanation for the lack of intimacy. I guess I just wanted to post on here to get advice or input from other men because I know that I am a textbook over thinker. Am I totally overthinking this entire situation? Is the lack of intimacy this one time solely due to how tired he was? Any input would be greatly appreciated!!!
4 comments
Easy to overthink things. Best option is just to ask him instead of guessing, which can reinforce negative thinking. But I’ll say that yeah, he was probably just tired, unless there’s a pattern you’re probably fine.
In a long term sexual relationship there will be plenty of meh sex. Think of a bell curve. Most of the sex is happily in the middle somewhere (your usual), but as the number of encounters (and circumstances of the encounters) goes up, so will will the numbers of THE BEST SEX EVER! and the meh/ there’s a hour of sleep I’ll never get back ones.
My first suggestion is make friends with these facts and not decide a single episode has meaning.
Next, ask him. Tell him what you observed and you’re wondering if he could tell you about how he experienced it.
He may have been tired, frustrated from work and just not fully present. He may have needed the tried true hand to easily finish himself off because of it.
I suggest you think about what you need sexually and emotionally vs what you want. Do you need those cuddles and his full emotionally presence after intercourse? If so, lay that out as a boundary. Then if you’re initiating, it’s up to you ask him if he’s in a place to do that.
Hope this helps answer your busy brain working overtime to keep you worried.
I’m impressed he woke up at 1:30 AM LOL
After 28 years of marriage we have run the gamut of scenarios. This scenario falls into the benign category. One off situations such as the one you described are part and parcel to normal relationships. Definitely put it out of your mind as to obsess over it will only undermine your relationship.