Not sure where to post this, but this sub makes sense to me. I (25M) have been single since last July when I ended a 3 year long relationship. I moved to an apartment where I live alone and work from home more often than not.
Ever since the break up, I’ve been feeling lonely, and that’s only gotten worse with the recent holidays. I don’t really have any friends in the area except my coworkers (which are great, but we don’t see each other a lot).
I want to get myself out there and get back into the dating scene (even if it just ends up a casual date or to make some new friends), but I feel I have a lot going against me. I’m a 6 at best imo, I don’t make a ton of money (I have a couple hundred a month leftover after meeting savings goals), and I’m very introverted (though I do become more chatty after a drink or two). I enjoy things like hiking, cooking, watching sports/going to games, trying new food, and going to bars/breweries every so often.
I’d like to meet more people, but I don’t really know where to start. I’ve tried dating apps and, out of hundreds of convos, have only met 2 people once each. Probably just bad luck, but still a kick to my self confidence. I honestly feel like I should just rip the band aid off, start doing things I like alone, and hope for the best… (is it wrong to just go to a bar alone?)
Thoughts?
7 comments
It is human need to be able to connect , if not partner then with something or someone.
Community activities are great places for that.
I hear ya!
My story is quite similar, only I’m a couple years further down the timeline. Broke up with my ex after 3 years. We’d bought a house and she bought me out of it so I moved into an apartment with our cat and started a new job working from home.
Long story short, I’ve battled through 2.5 years of depression and self-loathing (without any anti-depressants) and I only feel like I’m coming out of it now. The advantage you have over how my timeline unfolded is that just as I was sinking into depression, Covid happened (apparently!) and I was forced to spend a number of months alone, locked down.
So, save yourself the bullshit that I went through and go and do the things that make you happy, whether that’s by yourself, or with friends/co-workers. Forget about dating for a while and focus on yourself. That ought to give you some ‘inner shine’ back and when you do meet someone again, you’ll be ready to give it all you’ve got, with no mental baggage.
You might think I’m talking crap, but our stories were so similar, I thought we might have some similarities in how we think too.
This sounds silly to say, but do you have any hobbies that you can do with other people? LIke maybe a hiking club or a sports team? When I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years, i threw myself into dating to fill the void, but i feel like i didn’t actually conquer the loneliness and get comfortable with myself and being alone until I had a hobby i loved to throw myself into! It was such a large part of my healing process and I think it made me a better person by the time I did meet my now boyfriend. And who knows! You might even meet someone at one of those group activities!
Bumble has bff and date. It’s pretty convenient to find friends and dates in one place. I always tell my brothers to keep pre date convos short. You can get to know them on a date. Chatting with someone you don’t know gets boring real fast and next thing you know she’s left you on read. Try and look for guys on bff that seem outgoing because usually they have friends you’ll be able to meet as well
I’m gonna go be honest because I’ve been in and I’m in a similar situation. I would look away from the dating apps they aren’t going to be your salvation and find something social to do. Either a hobby group or even just start having out with your coworkers you said they’re great. Ask them out for drinks sometime.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting human companionship and I hope you find some people to connect with.
Dating apps are difficult to make work, you’re not alone in that regard, especially now with women being more and more inundated with options, if your profile isn’t in the top percentage, matches and gaining actual interest from those you do match with can be brutal.
Doing things alone is great, as long as you’re comfortable, it actually shows that you’re confident within yourself. Go to a bar to watch a sports game, join a hiking group, go to a cooking class, try new breweries etc, going out with some sort of ‘purpose’ can make the experience feel that much better as sometimes, it can feel a bit aimless if you feel strange just sitting at a bar (but nothing wrong with this too).
I loved a girl from the first day of middle school to my last year of high school she left me in 2019 because her family was having money problems, so she was forced to move without telling anyone and created a new life without me or any old friends.
Its’s now 2023 and I’m a single 21-year-old virgin college student who can proudly say that even though my time in the arena of romance is over I have no regrets because she was and always will be the love of my life.
I’m telling you this because it might make you feel better as life will always be hard but even the worse outcomes aren’t bad, I recommend that if you someday end up in my place you just focus on money its’s not for everyone, but it works for many people.
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I might need to add for clarification that because I’m Hispanic Romain Catholic finding a new or a different girl goes against everything we practice.
The way it works is both you and your past girlfriend reunite in hell and burn down there for at least the same time as a human life so by doing that all sin will be washed away.
You and the female will be clean and reverted back to virgins to enter heaven as children with all the memories of the past life so that you may love the girl for eternity.
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That’s what many of us look forward to in the next life.