Me and my girlfriend have been dating for 2 years. I love her, she makes me the happiest I’ve ever been, I will marry her, I’ve actually been planning the engagement.
Anyway, today we drive to her parents, she’s gotta help her one of her sisters with personal stuff that Reddit doesn’t need to know about.
She’s staying there so when I’m leaving her dad walks out with me, and when I’m in my car he says “my daughter loves you, our family loves you, but I don’t want you seeing her anymore, my daughter should be with someone black” and before I could say anything he was already walking away.
To clarify my girlfriend is black, and I’m a pasty white ginger dude
Anyway this came as a huge shock to me. They’ve always treated me like I was family and now I just feel like they look at me different. I love her family, her mum is the sweetest person I’ve ever met, me and her brother play football/soccer every Monday and her sisters are always super nice to me. Her dad was always a bit distant with me but I was told “that’s just how he is”
I haven’t told my girlfriend. I will when I pick her up tomorrow. It’s not something I want to do over text or call. I’ve been texting her constantly, I think she knows something is wrong, but hasn’t said anything.
I’m not breaking up with her, she’s the one I just don’t know how to go about the situation.
I’ll tell her tomorrow but what then?
I don’t really feel welcome there anymore. Just hurt me more than I thought. I guess that’s why I’m writing this at 4am
TL;DR: Girlfriends dad wants me to break up with her because I’m white and she “should be with someone black”
Update:
I told her.
When I went to pick her up this morning she got in the car and asked if I was okay because I guess she knew something was wrong. I told her what her dad said and asked her not to say anything but she started getting upset and went inside.
About 10 minutes later she comes out with a bunch of her stuff. She said she isn’t gonna stay there for a while because her dad didn’t even try to deny it.
Her mum did come out and apologize. And sent me a huge message saying how I’d always be welcome apologizing even though it’s not her fault
13 comments
I would no say anything unless he starts being rude. He’s a racist, but he’ll, do you really want to make your gf to choose between he and you?
He is allowed to have ridiculous opinions, but the only one that matters is hers. I think you should definitely tell her, and then let her deal with her dad. I doubt it is going to go well for him.
Nothing more. You tell your gf but ask her to not bring it up with her father. The only reason you should tell her at all, because she deserves to know and keeping it a secret would be a mistake. As for her father, be as you have been so far, polite and all. If you talk alone again tell him you refuse his request and plan to stay with his daughter potentially forever. Do not tell it in confrontational manner, but wholesome yet decisive.
You don’t need conflict, but neither should you crave his approval. It’s not necessary, unlike your gf happiness. Therefore treat his opposition to you as irrelevant, respond to him decisively if he is just rude etc, but do not grace him with your concern over his approval of you.
Could it be a test?
Could that be her dad saying something once because he feels like he has to?
Did something happen to their family, and he just wants to protect them now?
Hopefully you’ll feel better once you talk to your girlfriend. You know her feelings, focus on them.
When you tell her tomorrow it’ll be up to you two to figure out what then. He’s her dad though, she needs to handle it. Just assure her that you’re not going anywhere, but she needs to stand up for your relationship. The rest of the family loves you so that makes things easier.
Hey even black people can be racist but what he doesn’t realise is we live in 2023 when this bunch of youth and next generation leaders, don’t rock the same way.
Tell your gf for sure. Make sure she knows how much you love her. Tell her that you took the comment on the chin but felt she needed to know. I expect her dad has said far worse to her privately.
What matters is yours and her love for each other, remember that.
Now a story:
My father went off alarming when I said I expected I’d marry a black lady. In my younger years I always seemed to find black ladies so attractive and therefore by default I assumed I’d marry that way. Irony was his best friend was black. But anyway, he went mad. There is way more to it than that but he NEVER affected who I dated.
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As a…. father
You never tell your daughters bf you disapprove of him and that he should leave (behind her back as well)
He then tells your daughter and…….
That’s just superglued her to him
Dude’s both racist and dumb, suppose that’s always the case though
A dad that has “control” of his daughter or her respect, wont ever need to tell the bf to FO
This means she resists his bullshit and doesnt listen to him, disclosure will push her ever further away from him
Lmaoooo I would take every opportunity to make his life as cringey for him as possible.
Your GF rocks.
I’m white and my partner isn’t. I cannot imagine my father telling him to break up with me because I need to be with a white man. Frankly if that were to happen it would be the end of mine and my fathers relationship, at least until he came to his senses.
I hope you and your gf are better off now that she won’t be living there for a while. And I hope the relationship you both have with her father can be mended in time. But if not, I think you’re better off anyways.
What matters is what your girlfriend wants. She’s an adult and she gets to make her own choices. Do not allow her racist father to dictate your choices or hers. She wants to be with you. So that’s what matters.
Dad told you his feelings on the matter. He is not the arbiter if you two date though, that is on both of you.