My boyfriend of 4 years wants to go on a trip to Thailand with 4 friends. The problem is that he has been to Thailand twice before (before we met) accompanied by one of those guys (his best friend), and while there he slept with prostitutes both times.
Admittedly, he was single during those past trips. He now assures me that he won’t sleep around because he is in a relationship.
But I still have a bad feeling about this. When he first told me about the previous trips, I was upset, mainly because I’m somewhat conservative and don’t fully agree with sex work. So he knows that his whole Thailand history is a touchy subject for me.
His reasoning for choosing Thailand again is 1. it’s relatively close to where we live 2. it’s cheap 3. there are many outdoor activities to do 4. the full moon party is there 5. his other friends have never been.
Therefore, I’m wondering whether I’m being unreasonable. Not sure what to think so any advice from kind internet strangers is appreciated š
34 comments
Thailand is well known for its reputation as a destination for sex tourists, given his history there I think your concerns are valid.
I just left Thailand three weeks ago. You should be worried.
Sorry, but him and his buds are going there to bang hookers.
Clearly he and the friend that have been to Thailand together are taking the other friends there to show them what they love about the country. Which definitely includes the sex industry. He might tell himself or you that heās just going to lead them to the door and walk away. But thatās as difficult (for your bf) as taking a friend to your favorite restaurant in a foreign country and just having water.
You know why heās going to there and his boys too. Thatās a single guyās trip. Apparently he plans on being single and showing his boys the way and comparing his past experiences to the present. Donāt even bother sleeping with him again ever when he comes back. Otherwise, you made his trip worth going and heāll look forward to the next one.
If you stay with him, please make sure he gets tested when heās home.
I wouldnāt be comfortable forming a relationship with a man who visits sex workers. Even more so for a man that is a sex tourist in a developing country.
Having said that he was single and is in a relationship now. He is older. If I didnāt feel like I could trust my husband I wouldnāt be with him. Itās too much second guessing. And if your not an overly paranoid person the fact your concerned is a bit telling.
Yes you wonāt know if he cheats. I would say the likelihood of it happening are high depending on your definition – at least heās going to go to some ping pong shows and strippers and bars with drink girls if he is going with a group of single guys. I wouldnāt be ok with this let alone anything more.
If a group of men are going to to Thailand, theyāre going for one thing only. Sorry OP, but your bf is a sex tourist.
Isn’t Thailand where men go to have sex with children?
Sorry about this. All I am gonna say.
We all know what goes on there!!!!
Lol ask if you can come
Besides the faithfulness issue, Thailand is where men go to have sexual encounters that are not legal in the West. I do mean children. And exploiting people who are so poor that they are desperate. What does this say about the kind of man your bf is?
I saw kids as young as 10 years old hitting on Tourist at my hotel asking travelers if they want a ā Massageā. Thailand is fucked up, never going back.
I went to Thailand when I was on a navy deployment and Iāll tell you that was the port where the most guys were lined up at medical after to get STI tests. Obviously itās not the only thing Thailand has to offer but this sounds like a sex tourism trip to me
Peer pressure in a situation like this can be really big. I would have a hard time trusting in your shoes based on what I know about guys, being a guy. Pretty easy to talk yourself into believing itās not real cheating.
Nope. If I were you, Iād say āIf you go, weāre done.ā
He looks at sex as a transaction. And being that his first sexual experiences were with prostitutes, I donāt think he will think twice about sleeping with one. Itās ājust sexā. He obviously has issues with women since youāre his first gf at 31 years old. Get out now. This man is no good.
He should go with his friends have have all the experiences he wants. YOU NEED TO TRUST YOUR GUT. There is a reason you feel uncomfortable. I have a lot of guy friends and lost many because on every guy trip they cheated on their women. Every.single.time. The few guy friends I have left would never go on vacation without their SO. Theyād rather go on couples trips. Heās really banking on you being naive and trusting while heās banging sex workers and living single life with his bros. You deserve better, OP.
Oomph. I grew up in Tokyo and Thailand was the cause of many divorces amongst my parents friends. Itās like putting a kid inside a candy store and saying, āyou can only lookā¦donāt touch and you have no money to buy.ā
Can I ask why aren’t you invited on the holiday? Also why is he still going on holiday with his friends to a destination where they have all slept with prostitutes in the past? His single friends are going to be hooking up with them, so have your boyfriend what he intends to do whilst his friends are out having aex every night?
If heās going to cheat, heās going to cheat. Doesnāt matter where he is or the opportunity, if heās a cheater heās a cheater. Itās that simple.
Why are you with someone you think might cheat on you with hookers in Thailand?
The problem is he has a history there and went regularly to indulge in sex work. He should never have chosen Thailand.
It’s only natural that you’ll assume he’s going there for sex, especially when the rest of the guys are.
Why are you in a relationship with a man who slept with prostitutes in a third world country anyways? Men that participate in sex tourism are disgusting and predatory. Many of these “women” are underage, trafficked or extremely impoverished with no other choice.
Regardless of what his choices may be, yours should be to run.
If you don’t trust your boyfriend not to cheat, leave.
Nobody can predict what heās going to do, but I will say this – Thailand can be a wonderful place to travel, but it is also a hotbed for seedy activities, child exploitation and prostitution.
There are the types of people who sleep with prostitutes in Thailand and there are the types of people who donāt. Your boyfriend is the first kind.
and why are you not invited on this trip? simple solution.
i donāt want pile on but the things iāve overheard whilst travelling thailand would be quite alarming. iāve heard men talk about hiring women for the week as their gfs. it seems quite common thing & i doubt their significant others are aware of what their men are doing in thailand.
my friend was telling me how she left her then bf to the bathroom as they waited for their flight to bali & the group of men, who were going to thailand, started to speak more candidly to him that all of them had hired women for their stag do to thailand & how crazy their trip was going to be.
i love thailand & would visit it almost annually (prior to the pandemic), but gosh does it attract the most despicable men. the idea that their money gives them the power over the locals & expect everything & anything. itās a very odd mentality but itās the sense of entitlement & power from their currency, make them act this way cos they canāt act that way at home.
So many racist comments about Thailand on this post… it is a beautiful country, it is the visitors that are the problem. Visitors like your boyfriend who take advantage of desperate people. Why are you dating someone who had sex with Thai prostitutes in the first place?
So sex workers aren’t part of the plans but it’s a guys-only trip … to Thailand. Oh, okay. Sure.
I get it but if he’s going to cheat, he’s going to cheat. If you can’t trust, you don’t really have a relationship. I don’t even know what to tell you to make you feel comforted but if this place is known for prostitution, his best friend isn’t a good person and he sees your agony, then this should motivate him to not go. (All in theory and being overly romanti)
I feel your apprehension so much. Alot of Redditors are suggesting he does the STD tests. Make sure he knows two tests are required. Tell him that’s what you plan to require of him and see what he does when you suggest this, including wearing a condom when you two copulate..
He is not going to tell you the truth. You know what he did before and he’s going with the same friend he did that with.
He literally already did what you fear. No need to believe he’s going for innocent fun. Pattern of behavior should be believed.
I would never date a guy who admits to sleeping with a prostitute š
Your gut is practically screaming at you and youāre trying to not listen.