Idk if I’m just being dumb but I thought I’d get some advice :/
I finalized my [28F] divorce with my husband about 3 weeks ago. It was amicable and we both just wanted different things. None of us tried to screw each other over, we just started becoming roommates instead of a married couple
About a week ago, my Co worker and I had hooked up It just really happened out of the blue. He heard about my divorce and we just talked and that’s when he invited me out for drinks. One thing lead to another and I went home with him and we had sex all night. It was probably the best sex I’ve ever had. I’ve never felt so desired and sexy. It felt amazing
I guess that’s why I feel bad. I felt like I moved on too quickly. Going over my Co workers place and fucking him 2 weeks after a divorce?? I just feel cheap in a way even though I shouldn’t. We are still talking and it’s getting more passionate. Talking about what more things we want to do and sexy clothing I should buy. Am I being hard on myself?
8 comments
No, you shouldn’t be hard on yourself. Going through a divorce is a tough thing, no matter how how bad a marriage was or how amicable a split up is. It is not uncommon for there to be mixed feeling so soon afterwards. Don’t beat yourself up.
I read somewhere that women often grieve the relationship while they are in it.
That has happened to me before. My ex was devastated, and I was sorry that he was hurting, but I was also kinda numb. But, I had been mourning for months. It wasn’t that I didn’t care it was that I was already over it.
Don’t be hard on yourself. But also, take things slow. When you have been in something a long time that wasn’t working, something new can be pretty intoxicating. So, be careful.
Time is irrelevant. Go and get it girl!
Yah but a divorce takes a long time to finalize? Sure it’s 2 weeks since ur divorce finalized but it’s not been 2 weeks since u knew u were splitting up, right? The clock starts from the time you and your husband agreed it was over, which was much more than 2 weeks ago. That’s when you mentally began moving on from him.
> Am I being hard on myself?
Your relationship with your ex husband was over long before the papers were signed.
Yo are being hard on yourself. You have no reason to feel guilty go get that dick
I’m going to offer a different perspective to the ones on here so far.
There are two types of “guilt”, one is a guilt that has been socially put upon women in situations like this and creates expectations about how a woman “should” be sexually.
The second is a type of guilt that is because you have transgressed your own internal boundaries or sense of integrity.
In terms of the former, and what I think the other commenters are talking about so far, is that no, you should not feel socially guilted by your actions. You’re a free woman now, and from the sounds of it, have not had sexual needs met for some time, particularly not in a way that has been exciting or mind blowing to you, which it sounds like this experience was. There is way too much control exercised over women’s sexuality in o ur culture that demands them not simply seek sexual satisfaction, despite men doing it for millennia.
However in terms of the latter, self-focused sense of guilt, that might be a different matter. You may have had sex “too soon”. You may be judging yourself for having done so. None of us can answer that except you.
Sex, like just about anything, can be a distraction or an avoidance strategy. It can distract you from difficult feelings or fulfill needs you have that aren’t being met emotionally.
And it can also go further than that and become a full on avoidance of difficult emotions or self truths and become self-destructive.
Where that line is for you is completely up to you, and asking questions and being self aware is a really good way to start.
What I would say is that even if you used sex as some kind of unhealthy release or avoidance right now (and I’m not judging you that you did, just talking hypothetically), that doesn’t make you a bad person or mean you’re going to keep doing it or make any kind of declaration about your character.
A failed relationship and a divorce are some of the hardest things to go through, and it’s ok to try something new or do something entirely self indulgent or avoidant if that’s what you’re needing at the immediate time.
So all I would say is try to shed any cultural expectations about women’s sexuality and ask what do YOU really want, right now and in the future in this area. And you may not even know right now, it might only come to light after having more experiences like this. But if you have an open mind and are willing to look yourself in the mirror in situations like this, hopefully you’ll find a balance and a place where your desires and your self integrity meet.
Your relationship with your ex-husband was probably over a long time ago. You have sexual needs and deserve to have that intimacy. Congrats on the sex – just enjoy it