I have had social anxiety in childhood till young adulthood. I am not as afraid of people now but i didn’t socialize enough as a kid and this has resulted in me being boring. Cannot start a conversation or keep the conversationg going or fun. This had led to depression. I found a guy i love after 4 years with him he broke my heart. This had led me to become twice as depressed and i have no hoobies or interest in life anymore. Social anxiety as a child and depression in adulthood. I am suffering to make any new friends or a boyfriend. Please helpp. Anybody saying be yourself, please stop. Being myself doesn’t make me happy. I am trying to improvise not change myself. I will be the introvert i have become indoors but when i am out socialising i want to have fun and make memories and this is not going to happen if i sit next to a person and not saying a word because i don’t know how to have a conversation. Life is too short and i want memories.
22 comments
Out of curiosity do you have a psychiatrist? I was going down a slippery drug filled slope till my doc helped me get back on my feet
You can be whatever you want, but you don’t need to be a fun person. I am not a fun person although I can be fun if the mood strikes me, and I was a very serious kid. Now I’m a less serious adult who tends toward seriousness. It’s what feels natural to me. There’s no need to put so much pressure on yourself to be something that may not really fit you. If I had to force myself to be a fun person I’d be miserable.
Have you considered something more modest like being more pleasant? It’s a lot less work. You can be the person people feel
okay to be around, whose presence makes things a little nicer. I like these people.
First of all, it’s important to understand that everyone has their own unique interests and passions, and it’s okay if yours may not be as “fun” or outgoing as others. However, if you’re feeling down about yourself and want to improve your social skills, there are a few things you can try.
Start small – try to engage in small talk with people you see regularly, like coworkers or classmates. This will help you become more comfortable with initiating conversations and keeping them going.
Find something you’re passionate about – whether it’s a hobby or a new interest, finding something that you enjoy can give you a sense of purpose and something to talk about with others.
Practice active listening – when in a conversation, make sure to give the other person your full attention and ask follow-up questions to show that you’re interested in what they have to say.
Join a group or club – this is a great way to meet new people who share similar interests.
Seek professional help – if your depression is impacting your daily life, it may be helpful to speak with a therapist or counselor to work through any underlying issues and develop coping strategies.
Remember, it’s important to be kind and patient with yourself as you work on improving your social skills. It may take time, but with practice and perseverance, you’ll be able to build more meaningful relationships and find joy in your life again.
If you ever need any additional support or guidance, please feel free to reach out to me. I am more than happy to help in any way that I can. Remember, you are not alone and there are people who care about you and want to see you succeed.
I want to start by saying your not boring you just haven’t found your group of people. I mean if 2 people like to watch paint dry they aren’t going to think of each other as boring. You just need to put yourself out there. I highly recommend doing it online first as it helped me a lot. Just go on some sub Reddits of someone stuff you like and interact with posts. Bumble BFF is also a great way to make friends, in my experience. It’s trial and error, you’re going to be awkward you’re going to feel like your boring and to some people you might be. But not everyone. I know it’s hard I’ve been there but these things take time you just have to be persistent.
If you know someone you think you’d like to be friends with ask them questions. Comment on their style if you like it. Ask them what they like see if you like it too. Ask them how they are. Listen to them. People like when you listen to them and show interest in them. Practice on strangers. Ask them how they’re doing, comment on their clothes etc etc. it’ll be awkward at first but you prob won’t see them again and they won’t remember it so who well. While you do this you have to also get to know yourself. Even if it’s just something like “I hate mornings but I like the sunrise”. Finally, and the most obvious, you need to look at therapists if not for anything else they will help you stay on track with helping yourself. I go to therapy and a good chunk of it is just making sure I’m doing what’s been recommended to me and noting what’s different what’s the same etc etc
I have the same problem 🙁
Be observant, exaggerate, lead them into laughter.
For example, I was in the office a few weeks ago and this woman I’ve never seen before is standing there putting one strong strength pod into the coffee machine, she was reaching for a second and I said to her: good god it’s 9am were you tranqualized last night? I don’t know where to get any cocaine but I think that’s the only thing that can help you at this point and am willing to take the rest of my day off for you, let’s go.
(important) I started and lead her into a laughter, we ended up speaking for a few mins about absolutely nothing.
I drink strong coffee, there’s nothing abnormal about this, it’s an absolutely mundane and boring act. Exaggerate, the more ridiculous the better. You don’t have to do this live. Just go about your day observing people, and play out conversations in your head. Every once in a while you’ll get some good ones, and just try them out, it’ll probably work more than you think it would.
Good luck. Feel free to msg me if you wanna, I’ll be your friend 🙂
It is impossible to force yourself to be funny, because it is a result of a connection with people/things and a way of seeing life, not an innate quality. First of all, depression may be affecting you too much, perhaps it would be good to consult a professional.
On the other hand, while not all people necessarily need or value “funny” people, most do value caring and honesty, and that attitude can lead to enjoyable moments.
But to treat people genuinely, you first have to feel good about yourself and work on your self-esteem. Imagine that you are another person: would you like to be treated/considered as you treat/consider yourself?
Well I definitely know how you feel. Not only do I have social anxiety and am socially awkward I don’t know how to keep a conversation going. I deal with that plus ptsd and general anxiety and issues with abandonment because of my family. It’s like no one wants to give me a chance when I know how much love I have to offer.
Being boring can be numerous. I think where your running into an issue is you may be trying to force things. Perhaps you have tried before, not achieved the result you wanted and became discouraged or closed off. Fear is part of the buffer that stops natural flow. I would encourage you to fail over and over with people, you can literally say anything you want. Get those bad reactions ( occasionally or frequently, or not at all) it doesn’t matter. There will be a moment after the pain of rejection disappears because you have been shot down so much that it does not have the same sting. When you loose the sting you lose the fear, when you lose the fear you don’t “try” to hard anymore, you are natural and have flow. People can sense that and can sense your comfort level with yourself. But first you have to walk into the fire and fail. So starting today talk to everyone you come across and say anything you like and let’s start this process.
I agree with another commenter here that you don’t need to be fun or interesting to others. Of course being fun and interesting can help you in life and open more doors. But If you’re trying it for the sake of others then you become their clown. You want to be fun and interesting because indeed you are fun and interesting. Not because you’re trying to be. Of course that is also subjective. Fun and interesting to whom ? To yourself is the most important.
In my opinion the best way to do that is to have more life experiences and meet many different types of people. That means not sitting at home all day playing video games (not that there’s anything wrong with it if that’s what you like).
So I was literally like you except I didn’t think I was boring because in my alone time I come up with the most entertaining and crazy shit ,but when with a group of PPL what happens is you focus too much on saying cool things or on looking cool that you block ur minds natural thought flow.You essentially become like a robot trying to process info and respond.
Most of the fun conversations come spontaneously as though u “feel it” rather than u thinking it. So what u need to do is to stop thinking about being fun ,just be present and interested in what people are saying ,then fun responses will come to you naturally
Bonus Tips: Fun and social ppl usually have many stories or incidents that they can creep into any conversations.Try to do more stuff and gain experience and incorporate and share ur fun stories in your conversations
Humor and fun begins from the inside. Start by being able to find the joy and humor in your day to day life. Only then can you spread your joy to others.
And boring is a mindset. If you call yourself boring, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, so the first step is to quit using that label on yourself.
I think maybe just start throwing everything at the wall and see what sticks, kind of like the movie yes man. Sign up for a pottery class, try yoga, read a book about dinosaurs, buy a Lego kit, buy a succulent, do ANYTHING and sooner or later you will find something you love. I used to feel exactly like you and I just tried to yes man as many things as I could and found out I love going to the orchestra, I love going to stand up comedy, I love board games, I love pole dancing! You never know until you try
Eta: I also have crippling anxiety and struggled with depression, I do not consider myself a “fun” person but having passions and interests in common with people is a great way to make friends. Even being NEW at something at the same time with other people is a great bonding experience
Same
This thread is so wholesome and supportive. It’s wonderful we are preaching being okay with ourselves just as we are. Why should there be anything wrong with us? And boring is totally subjective, what one person finds boring another person may love. Its all perspective and if you can enjoy just being you, I am 1000% sure there will be someone who will appreciate that.
Boring and fun aren’t really opposites, I think what you want is to be interesting.
You can be very not fun but interesting and people will still want to talk to you. How do you do this? Being unique imo. Show how you’re different. Find hobbies, you don’t even have to buy into them just be interested in a lot of things and you’ll find common ground with everyone. For example I don’t have one but I know about motorcycles and I think they’re cool so I connect with car guys.
But looking interesting is the part that can help start the conversation. So wear something unique. You don’t have to go full indie or whatever but just find a style you like and go above and beyond what others will do with it. A very popular yet cheap style right now is 90s street wear. Think new balances, gap hoodie, blue jeans. Super easy to pull off but people will love that vibe.
Once you’ve got the hobbies and the style I think the last is philosophy but this one I think is a bit different depending. You can have very neutral stand points but believe in them and say them with confidence. This will make people believe you’re strong willed and reliable which makes people want to be around you. But don’t be afraid to go outside the box with this one or any of the other ones.
None of these are inherently fun but they are inherently interesting. If you want to follow these ideas then you can spend maybe 100$ on clothes and just google hobbies. So all in all very very cheap yet efficient. It’s rough out there but you got this man.
Try to laugh! Life is for have fun. Do what u want. Do it more frequently
Be yourself always, don’t change yourself for others because it will only make you miserable. But you can explore new hobbies that you can find fun to make your life more fun! Do this for you and for your happiness, not for others ❤️
I’m considered a funny person but social anxiety gets to me so I struggle making friends. That said, I always remind myself that it’s not my job to entertain people. So don’t stress about not being the fun or funny one. Just try to be positive, people are drawn to that.
I’m considered a funny person but social anxiety gets to me so I struggle making friends. That said, I always remind myself that it’s not my job to entertain people. So don’t stress about not being the fun or funny one. Just try to be positive, people are drawn to that.
Fun things can be anything like reading or clubbing or cooking. I like them all. I also like hiking and drinking and smoking. And hanging with my mom and being alone and not being alone is fun depending
I know this is difficult but honestly I’m more fun when I’m relaxed. Maybe you can try something like working out, yoga or meditation.