I’ve shared this situation in historical posts, but I’ll quickly re-state.
I (29M) Met girl(30F) at gym, asked her out, went out for drinks. She seemed nice, beautiful and a good & fun personality. Asked her out a few weeks later – I’m not sure if I fucked up here but this is what I did for the date:
Picked her up, went out to a pizza place that’s good. Then surprised her with a picnic where I brought a liquor that she likes, music and lights and stuff. We talked and whatnot it was pretty good but nothing super crazy. Then I took her to some zoo lights where we walked around. We talked about dealbreakers/ what we were looking for in a partner etc. conversation seemed fine- but honestly I was really nervous around her and my mind would just go blank – not sure why.
Drove her home and got out to say goodbye (I was thinking I’d give her a kiss goodbye) she hit me with the “you’re a great guy but no chemistry etc”. I said ok no worries and gave her a hug goodbye. — I can’t help but think I over committed with this date by planning it out too much and stuff.
Anyways a week later I asked her if she wanted to join me to cook some food- she said she would but she was busy getting ready for a trip. (Not sure if she actually wanted to or not). I asked her again after Christmas and no response.
I then see her at the gym every so often. Now whenever I see her I just either wave or say hi and that’s it (I don’t converse with her). Earlier today I saw her walking out and just said “Hi <name>” and she said hi back and I just walked past.
Here’s my problem: when I saw her my heart started racing, she’s constantly in the back of my head even though I realistically have known her for like 5 hours ish.
Part of me thought I could just ignore her, but she makes me excited/nervous for whatever reason.. I’m stuck on whether to just say fuck it and reach out to her asking her out again or letting her know how I feel – even though I know it’s probably a fucking pathetic move or just try to ignore it and keep doing what I’m doing. Plz help!
4 comments
Why did you go out of your way to plan such a lavish first date for someone you barely know?
Look, you had an amazing time. It left an indelible exciting mark on your soul. You’ll always have those cherished memories. However, she never felt the same way towards you, sadly.
YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. She wanted to give you a shot since she liked you as a person.
Just match the way she interacts with you. If she says Hi, you say Hi back. If she shows more interest in you, you match it. And so on.
Eventually, your butterflies should subside
You’ve been rejected and it’s a tough pill to swallow, I know. But you gotta remember, rejection is a part of life, especially in the world of dating. It doesn’t define you, it doesn’t diminish your worth as a person.
You’ve got to be strong, you gotta be a man. You gotta keep your head up, keep moving forward. Distract yourself with other things that you enjoy, surround yourself with friends and family, take up new hobbies.
But most importantly, you gotta give yourself time. Time to heal, time to process your feelings. Don’t rush into things, don’t make any hasty decisions.
And when it comes to this girl, it might be best to distance yourself for a while. Focus on yourself, on your own well-being. Because in the end, that’s all that matters.
You deserve to be in a loving and healthy relationship, but you gotta be patient, you gotta be smart. Play your cards right and the right person will come along.
She has already said she is not interested many times. Don’t bother her again. Just focus on new women.
FWIW you built up the first date too much in your head. If you aren’t comfortable, you aren’t fun. If you aren’t fun, you aren’t getting a second date. Next time just relax, be laid back and try to have a good time.