My GF wants an open relationship and I’m not about it one bit.
So let me start off by saying I am 25 male and she is 24 f we’ve been dating for almost 7 years and I love her to death, all of a sudden these past couple months she wants an open relationship. I hate the idea of it and I’ve made it known and keep trying to put it off but now she gave me an ultimatum “if you don’t want to grow with me, then we need a break.” I’m the first dude she’s ever been with so I feel as if she wants to try other things but I am not about it at all. She cornered me the other day and I pretty much said absolutely not with guys but with girls, I’m OK with but in reality deep down, I feel as if none of this is OK. I don’t really know what you mean by GROW WITH ME. I feel like that’s a weird way of saying that she wants to cheat on me ethically. I don’t know I’m just sort of looking for guidance. I’ve tried to compromise, but she is very wanting to do this and it’s hard because I’ve been with her for so long. We have a dog together and we live together. Should I just rip the Band-Aid off? or maybe a couple therapy I just know I could never imagine her with somebody else guy or a girl.
I’m not one to go through someone’s phone, but maybe she has someone already lined up already has been with someone which I doubt she just wants the permission to do it.
I think I just stay strong with my morals and if she doesn’t want to do that then it is what it is. We have never had an open relationship from the start of our relationship. So she must of found someone.
23 comments
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If you’re not okay with it, there is no compromise to be had. End of story.
Things like this are usually a disaster for a relationship when 1 side is only going through with it to satisfy the other.
Even the presentation of the idea has caused relationships to fall apart.
Just end it. As much as it sucks with the dog and the living situation, you guys both want different things for the relationship and opening the relationship isn’t something you use in an ultimatum. Both parties are either 100% interested or it shouldn’t be happening.
>So she must of found someone.
Not necessarily, but probably. It doesn’t matter much though. Even if she’s an unusual case and hasn’t found someone, she will. Every now and then these are sparked by seeing someone else doing it or something instead of a crush, but it turns out the same anyway.
Whether you accept it now or not, it’s happening. You can set your little gender rules, but you know deep down you’re just delaying. You both know that’s not why she wants this. She wants to go see what else is out there.
You do not “compromise” on this. It’s just a cop out that will hurt you more.
This is a very common thing. People who don’t have much experience due to being with one person blow up their relationships ALL THE TIME because they wonder if the grass is greener on the other side. It’s more common in college, but it’s the same story even if she’s doing it a bit later than the cliche.
Ethical non monogamy works only in a tiny set of circumstances with some basically necessary conditions that just do not apply to you. Like both people being full on board from the beginning, but that’s just one of many.
She may go out there, realize she’s got it good and come running back after some negative experience or even a ‘good’ (from her perspective) one that just wasn’t worth giving up what you two have. She might not. But sit around waiting, and don’t try to “compromise” on something that’s just going to hurt you more.
Oh hell no, this relationship is over, sorry man. It took a critical blow when she told you she wants to fundamentally change the relationship to the core by sleeping with other people. Then put a bullet in it by threatening that either you let her do it or you go on the back burner and she does it anyway. Absolutely not to a break for her to sow her wild oats. If you are monogamous, she has to be single to do that. You got dealt one shitty hand, sorry man.
She has announced to you that she is no longer yours, but you may have a turn with her occasionally when and if she feels like it. Yeah, no. Her dance card will be full all the time, yours, not so much
Its over . Sorry..
I’m very sorry, but this relationship is over.
UpdateMe!
She gave you an ultimatum, that shows you that your wants are of no concern to her, only hers and her desires. You can compromise until there’s nothing of you left but all you’ll be doing is delaying the inevitable.
She doesn’t care what you want, as she clearly plans on doing this whether or not you are on board. Which also tells me that she wants to keep you on the bench in case her sleeping with others isn’t all she thought it was going to be. Which ALSO tells me that the relationship would be open only for her.
Let her go. And don’t take her back when she get this out of her system and realizes she messed up.
I would suggest that you don’t take a “break” and just break up. That way you are under no illusion that after she goes off and fucks a few other people she will come to you.
I’m sorry mate, but if you don’t want to open the relationship I would suggest moving on.
Move on. There is no future with her.
Honestly you are probably better off you found out now. But also you met her when you were just a kid. You probably have no idea or context to know if she is a good choice or not, but looks like not given her choices.
Again at least she gave you the courtesy of telling you. When it doesn’t work out and she comes back just tell her no thanks.
And this is how you become depressed and hate relationship because you let someone strong arm and force you to agree so she can cheat on you without remorse
*ex GF
I am sorry. I think your both done
You have every right to have an exclusive relationship, just not with her. She has every right to an open relationship, just not with you. It sounds like it’s time for a no-blame breakup, as you guys want different things at this point in your life.
My advice: have a long evening with multiple pours of wine (or whatever you prefer), and reminisce about everything that was good about your relationship. Then, thank her for being honest with you, and say goodbye. Good luck in finding a partner who wants what you want.
Another open relationship post… you know what to do brother. Don’t fall into that trap. Cut it off.
Guys I did it! Im trying to gather my thoughts please help….
She already has someone she wants to bang.
In every case I have seen like this, and they are very common, I hate to tell you dude, but your relationship is over.
She has someone in mind and she’s looking for a way to pursue it without breaking up so it won’t technically be “cheating.”
Dump her. She wants to go out into the streets.
Painful as this is, OP, this is fairly simple. If your gf is determined to go down this path and you are equally determined not to, then you must let each other go. Forget about the 7years. Under these circumstances they are just statistics. Don’t bend to please or placate her. As the saying goes, “don’t set yourself on fire just to make someone else warm.” If you are a true monogamist, as many of us are, an open relationship would take tear your heart out. Let her go find herself. Find a loving woman who actually wants to share your life and values.
People in established relationships almost never ask to open them
up unless they have someone specific in mind they want to sleep
with. Usually, they’re already sleeping together.
And often as not, they really mean open for them only. If you find
someone else to sleep with, she’ll flip her shit.
No is a complete sentence her pressuring you is awful.