I usually never post stuff like this and I know it’s all in my head really but I would love some of your thoughts/advice.
Recently, my girlfriend brought up the idea of buying me a penis extender to spice things up in the bedroom. She suggested it very nonchalantly and diplomatically and I’m not mad at her in the slightest.
She already has a dildo she uses at times but she said she thinks an extender would be more intimate because it’ll be me wearing it which I fully understand.
However, for whatever reason, the idea of the extender makes me feel more insecure than the dildo and I’m not sure why exactly. Maybe because it’s technically modifying an aspect of my anatomy?
I’m about average at 4.5 inches and the extender she showed me would almost double my length and increase my girth. The dildo she has is already pretty big at 6 inches.
I told her all this and she was very kind and understanding and said it’s not an issue, we don’t have to get one. But I also don’t want her to be disappointed just because I’m a bit insecure or secretly be unsatisfied etc.
How do I dig myself out of this mental hole? Is there any way we could compromise?
Thanks in advance for any and all help!
37 comments
My husband is prob 6-7 inches and we have tried one. It’s fun. Its just another form of a dildo
I don’t know what other people here are smoking. Clearly you don’t feel comfortable using this toy and they are still saying “Give it a try”, if this was something a woman was apprehensive of these comments would tell you to break up with her.
I suggest you don’t use it. What are your outcomes really? A. She likes it and likely gets dissatisfied over time with you before either leaving or cheating, B. She dislikes it completely whether it’s the size or the material and prefers you, or C. She can’t decide and might want to try it with someone real instead. You stand a 2/3 chance of losing.
It’s a really dumb thing for your GF to ask of you considering what it implies to the majority of men. Would she be okay putting a flashlight mold or something else inside of her? Probably not. She seems like a nice girl outside of that though considering she was understanding of how you felt.
As for your feeling of not being enough, this is one of those things that won’t be put back in the bottle. You can try and move forward and hopefully it works.
Now, I understand why you’d feel like you’re being replaced, but in my opinion it’s quite the opposite: This is a way for her to add variety to her sex *with you.* If you’re in an otherwise happy relationship, I sincerely doubt she meant to suggest anything untoward.
If you’re not interested, then you’ll just have to trust your girlfriend will think of different, less offensive ways to add that variety she’s looking for. I’d suggest a MojoUpgrade or BDSM Test-styled questionnaire where you can get a feel for new, mutually satisfying things to explore.
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I don’t think you should be offended, but at the same time, if you don’t feel comfortable with it you have every right to say no.
It seems like both of you are respectful of one another. She communicated something she had an interest in, you said you weren’t up for it and she respected that.
Again, this topic and the answer will vary depending on the person. Penis extenders will invariably bring up insecurities for many men. It’s similar to how some men get insecure if their girlfriend has a large dildo.
Now personally, I feel there’s no issue with penis extenders/sleeves. Why? Because like a dildo/vibrator, it is meant to be an enhancer to sex, not a replacement of your penis. It can be a way to change things up every once in awhile. It isn’t going to replace your penis for the rest of time.
If it seems like I’m trying to convince you to go for it, I’m not. I’m just trying to convey my perspective. Yours will be different. Only you will know what your comfortable with. Either way, remember that your SO likely cares a lot more about the person attached to the penis than the penis itself.
She wants to try out new things while also being as **intimate as possible** with you. A sleeve allows this to happen, and she communicated it well it seems.
Yes, put your boundries down as some say, but also challenge yourself with your insecurities. Join her in her journey of discovery when you have firmy decided you can handle it on your part.
It seems you’ve had a pretty healthy attitude towards your dick size so far, that’s awesome to see, but I also think both genders have biological instinctual desires. Women want to be filled up, and men want to penetrate all the way. If you’re the one to fill her up, assisted or not, she’ll love you more for it. When she has that feeling while she’s intimate with you, her love for you will grow stronger.
Lastly, do you get insecure when you use a calculator? Why not do the math in your head? We live in a better world now, where we use tools to increase our abilities in all kinds of ways. She can have her needs met with tools rather than seeking out another guy – that’s awesome.
Seems like you have a really good relationship, best of luck.
It’s just a toy. It’s just for fun. If you are too insecure, don’t do it.
Personally I would not date someone who was insecure about their body like that, but that’s just me.
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It’s totally normal to be disturbed a bit, but I wouldn’t be offended. She already has a dildo as you mentioned, so if anything she wants more of you not less. But I can see why it would be disconcerting.
If you feel this is a big ask, maybe also ask for something that you were always afraid to mention because of the mental baggage it would place on her. Not as revenge or lesson teaching, but a legitimate effort to match her energy and spice things up.
But she seems okay with it being a no, so just be sincere.
I don’t think you should be offended per se. She trusted you enough to bring it up because it’s something she is interested in, and she likely has been debating bringing it up for the exact reason you’re displaying right now. Clearly it isn’t her intention to humiliate you or hurt your feelings, that’s why she stressed that it’s an intimacy thing rather than a “I was to be fucked by a bigger dick for fun” thing.
She seemingly wants to try a new sensation without sacrificing the intimacy of you being the one to fuck her. If it isn’t something you’re interested in, just say so. It’s immature to lash out and her because she brought up an idea.
Tell her no and move on with your life, or say yes and use it as an opportunity for growth and working on your insecurities as well as communication
Bruh honestly the situation is just an L, I feel bad for you, personally I just couldn’t let that slide.
Sorry Sir…get a new gf, nothing hurts worse for a man that to have his ‘manhood’ questioned.
I’ve used one with an ex fwb, it was fun but I always made it clear I was perfectly satisfied with his manhood it just added variety to our sex life. He was the one to suggest it though. If it makes you uncomfortable just talk openly about it to your gf I’m sure she will be understanding.
I’m average length(5.5) and a little over average in girth. Been with my wife a Long time. I figured out while she orgasmed and had a good sex life together, something bigger really got her going( think fingers and fore play) So I got her a toy that was a little bigger than me and it went over pretty well.
Then I saw the extenders and figured why not?? Tried it and it was fantastic! We don’t use it all the time, actually about once a month for some extra spice and role playing. No regrets. It’s not about me , it’s about finding things that make her go nuts and I being part of it. She returns the favor 10 fold to me during sex.
Anyone who wants to know, Blissful Creations has a great selection that feel very lifelike.
I’m not sure tbh. I always see on this forum that sex toys are a positive experience and should be shared to help not used against one another. It seems more like this is an insecurity for YOU and not for her.
Don’t do it. By your post it will affect you more. I would however go ahead and talk to her about why you feel this way. OP did say he the issue is not the way she said it or brought it up.
I would also like to add for OP, she is with you for a reason. You satisfy her. The fact that she is comfortable to ask you nonchalantly shows that it was not a negative idea of hers. You also said she already had a dildo too. Personally (I’m a woman) I don’t use sex toys and I don’t like them in bed. Each to their own. Don’t let this ruin something great. Good luck!!!
The way out is by recognizing that we humans have ALWAYS been a species that thrives because of our ability to augment ourselves and use tools. Here you have a tool that lets her fully embrace her inner size queen, enjoy new sensations, and then be put away afterward. All the advantages of having a 9″ hogleg without the disadvantages of having to constantly lug it around.
“We can rebuild him. We have the Technology.”
I have commented on this several times.
Toys are tools. Toys are your teammates. They are not there to replace you. They are not your rivals.
Your finger can’t move 1,000rpm a minute like a vibrator. Your penis can’t hit spots that a 10 inch dildo or sleeve can.
I am average in size. My wife and I have gotten into large dildos and penis sleeves.
My wife, like your partner said the same thing about the sleeve. It takes a dildo to the next level since it is used as part of you and allows for more intimacy while using it.
I am not insecure because I know my wife loves me and loves my penis. We use dildos and sleeves just like any other toy, to have fun and do something different when it is desired.
We can get done using a huge 10 inch dildo that is thicker than a red bull can. And, she will immediately beg me to fuck her with my penis. It’s two different physical, mental, and psychological events.
I get off knowing that I (penis, fingers, mouth, body, brain, etc) gives my wife pleasure. I also get off knowing that I want her to experience whatever pleasure she desires via toy as well. I get off knowing that my wife wants to be with me. She loves me. She wants me using the toy(s).
There are plenty of things I am insecure about. My penis size is not one of them. Like i said, I am average at best. But, it is what it is. I am short too. Don’t care. Have brown eyes. Don’t care. For me, it is hard to be insecure about something I cannot change. It is me. I own it.
Good luck and best wishes!
I’m confused as to these other comments. Yes, a penis extender making you feel badly or inadequate is totally normal. Other commenters are saying “it’s just any other toy”, but it isn’t…. at all. This would be like a man asking his girlfriend to wear a vagina sleeve to make their vagina tighter. It is inherently insulting.
How would your gf feel about getting a book on kegels “because it could be fun”?
I’ve thought about getting one, even though my 4 inches reach all the way. For me, it would be more about girth than length. Look at it that way instead.
From experience, my husband said his helps him prolong the experience. He last longer.
Maybe try to think of it like that instead of a size thing
I guess I would reframe your perspective maybe. Your penis is just one part of you, and she loves you, and wants to try to experiment with something. 4.5 inches is on the smaller side for length, and i mean that matter of factly, not as a slam. I understand that there are all these stereotypes perpetuated about dick size that make men feel like a big one is some kind of sexual pleasure
bliss (but I can tell you from experience that one is untrue lol in fact the least satisfying experiences were from “big ds” actually) a big d alone might be amazing or might be meh, so I’m sure you’re honest with yourself and are aware of the size being on the smaller end of the spectrum BUT again, this is just one part of your body and she loves YOU and wants to experience and experiment sexual intimacy and pleasure with YOU, so F the stupid stereotypes, own the dick you have, and have fun trying new things and experiences together. You didn’t choose your dick size anymore than a guy with a medium or large one chooses it, so work with what you got and if you can heighten the experience together do so!
Ask her if you can make love to your new life like sex doll while she licks your balls and taint. That way it feels more intimate for the both of you!
Ok…going to keep it 100% real with you. If you’re 4.5 and she suggested a sleeve then she just wants more than you’re giving her…at the moment. You have two options. 1) Let it bother you and clam up. 2) Or realize that you can use toys like a penis sleeve to your advantage.
We can’t help what size our dicks are. If she loves you enough to be with you although she wants more in that one area, then love her enough to find creative ways to satisfy her.
Don’t let ego get in the way. Women place value on more than just your dick size.
Dump her and move on, she wants a bigger dick and will find one eventually.
There’s no “should” or “should not” here, really. It’s up to you. I’m average sized, I’d *try* if my gf wanted. (We’ve discussed.) If it helps her get off that makes me feel really good and boosts my ego more. If your relationship is good and this is just something to help the sexual part of it, I wouldn’t be offended. (She has also just fucking *worshipped* and pampered my dick during sex, so that really helps me put insecurities aside.)
That said, not everything’s for everybody.
Dude, 4.5″ is not about average.
>I told her all this and she was very kind and understanding and said it’s not an issue, we don’t have to get one. But I also don’t want her to be disappointed just because I’m a bit insecure or secretly be unsatisfied etc.
>How do I dig myself out of this mental hole? Is there any way we could compromise?
You could start by not second-guessing the things she literally tells you.
Yeah toys are cool but this? It’s a little bit much.
You’re clearly not comfortable so I would suggest not doing it.
Absolutely you should feel offended dude. It’s insulting. Imagine if there was a toy that women could insert to make their vaginas tighter, and a man suggested unprovoked a woman try one. She’d have every right to feel insulted.
It’s definitely an insulting thing to suggest and you’re not wrong in feeling how you do.
It’s an insulting question, yes. But she said it’s not a big deal, so that’s that. Don’t feel guilted into doing something you’re rightfully uncomfortable with. The people who are saying it’s just like a dildo are flat out wrong. And if that were the case, she would be satisfied with what she’s already using. A lot of the posters are living in the twilight zone. It’s an insulting question, you’re right in how you feel, so nix the idea, and move on.
Life is not porn, women are not just in total ecstasy with each stroke of a “man” being inside of her … there are many many more factors at play here and there are so many that have nothing to do with the size, shape or any build of your “member”
My real life suggestion I make to anyone who is willing to listen to me even briefly… find out what the female anatomy “esp down there” is about, then you’re going to realize it is so many things and none of them are even about you or even slightly “personal” … it’s complicated in so many wats and figuring out how to make it work for your partner’s pleasure, instead if concerning yourself about why your specific “size/shape/girth” isn’t “good enough”? you’ll realize it’s a curse (somewhat) if biology and isn’t a fail whatsoever on anyones part.
Thankfully we live in a time when we can find assistance to reaching the best spots for each other and with some mature thinking we can understand it’s for the pleasure of each other, not about a failure of either side, especially about things that are purely genetic or biological, none of it is a personal affront.
I know this because I was always too thin/skinny to have tits or ass, my ex had a less than average size and we still found ways to completely please each other fully.
Education is your friend, reputable sources, not just porn, fyi 😅
Offended? No, you should probably be able to tell if she’s being insulting about it.
Still, she is telling you that she believes that your genitals don’t fit together well. She’s telling you that she wants to try to work around that at the same time in the interest of remaining together, sure, but you have to consider whether you want to continue on or not in light of that.
>Is there any way we could compromise?
You’re either using a sleeve or extender or you aren’t, even if it’s a smaller one than the one she initially proposed. At least, AFAIK, there are no “partial” ones that still leave part of the penis exposed and stimulated by the walls of whatever orifice it is inserted within.
You also can’t really predict if she’ll only ever want to fuck with the penis extender and will start to refuse to have intercourse with you without it in advance.
I used to work at a sex toy store. My bf is a solid 8 inches. I’ve even thought about getting him and “extender” just because they come in really cool styles. Studded, shaped weird…. It can be something really cool. Toys are friends!!!
Look at toys as teammates, my man. They’re not competition.
If you consider all you need is a 2 inch penis to hit the Gspot, and you have more than double that; it also sounds like she loves you more than just for your penis; if we compare the act of having sex with your 4.5 inch penis as a typical dinner; meatloaf, gravy and potatoes and a side salad; you can eat this most days and live a happy life. Now this extender, most women don’t enjoy a monster cock in them; you’re saying she wants to try a 10 incher??? Let’s call that Beef wellington, you need to prep it, do the dough, cook it, the whole nine yards, scalloped potatoes, sauted haricots verts green beans, etc etc; maybe its a great meal; you can only do so much before you start getting sick and tired of prep and cook time; its great for once and a while special occasions, but not all the time. I would guess, she would like to try the bigger size, but at the end of the day, you’re her meatloaf and potatoes, don’t forget that.