I watch a healthy amount of porn. I watch it everytime I masturbate, so about 1-2 times a day. The only porn I like to watch though is porn that has themes of rape. I feel bad for enjoying it so much.
I dont exclusively like violent scenes, although I do like that too, as long as there is some kind of coercion, reluctance, or force then I watch it. I like to mentally put myself into the situation.
This doesnt affect my sex life. Sure, I do CNC role play with one of my trusted partners, but I still love gentle and loving sex. I even still love rough and degrading sex that has nothing to do with CNC. I only tell partners I really trust about my porn preference because I had an ex boyfriend who was disgusted by it and shamed me (which feels fair.)
One time I woke up to my friends boyfriend kissing me and undressing me when he thought I was asleep. He was trying to rape me, and I was turned on. If was really confusing.
Yes I enjoy this kind of porn, but sometimes I feel so fucked up for liking it.