Me(22F) and my boyfriend(25M) we’ll call Ben live in an apartment together for the past year. And have been together for 3 years. For the past several months I could tell our different personalities and aspirations have really been separating us. We’re more distant and short with each other. Not really arguing or anything but just not doing things together or having meaningful conversations.
Lately it’s really been bothering me, so I keep asking him questions about our future to spark a conversation and he just gives one word answers and continues laughing at whatever show he’s watching.
I am a very energetic, outdoorsy person, I just started my first forestry job and want to continue in that field. I want to live in different places, travel and learn as much as I can. Ben is a homebody who likes sports, video games, and smoking as much weed as he can. Every weekend he sits at home and watches football and plays Minecraft. I try to get him to get out and do something with me and he usually won’t and if he does he’s watching football on his phone.
The other day I asked him what his hobbies were, things we could do on the weekend that we don’t have time for during the week. I told him how I like photography, painting and how I want to get better with my roller skates. He’s says “are video games a hobby?” I said yes but is there anything else you like? And he just zones out. I then asked what his dream job would be, he says a sports broadcaster. I told him he should try taking some classes or do something to work towards it. He looses interest. Then he says “I’d hope my brother could give me a job I guess”. So basically he just told me he has no aspirations to do anything.
Whenever we go on a weekend trip to see family or friends, he’s throwing up the entire time from anxiety and weed withdrawal. So, I always either travel by myself or have to babysit him while he’s sick because he won’t go to therapy to help himself.
Tonight, again I was trying to talk to him about how I am stressed about the future. I manage all our bills, I do all the meal planning and grocery shopping, I’m the one who does the deep cleaning. I told him how I don’t want to be in charge of everything forever, it’s stressful. He zones out again and continues to watch tv. I then ask “do you not like talking about the future?”, and he goes “what do you mean? We were just talking about food?”. And doesn’t say anything else. So, I just got up and went to bed. I don’t know how to talk to him about things without just going “I want to break up”. We live together and have pets and furniture and 6 more months left on the lease, so it’s gonna be complicated, but I don’t know what else to do.
TL;DR- My boyfriend won’t talk about our future when we have different personalities and life styles. I’m trying to get him inspired to do something or talk about it, and I’m getting nowhere
2 comments
You still young, it’s time to find someone more in line with your hobbies and interests
“I am no longer happy in this relationship, and I want to break up.”
However, before this conversation, do some homework. Do you and/or him have somewhere else you could stay? Is there a second room you could sublet to a housemate? What are the consequences of breaking the lease early? Who is better equipped to take care of the pets in question? What furniture are you willing to give up?
The logistics are a very annoying part of any breakup, but ultimately manageable. It’s better to deal with a few months of frustration and inconvenience in exchange for getting out of a relationship that makes you feel alone and miserable.