Is this the time to be freezing your eggs? How do you go about finding someone and where do you meet people with similar life goals? How do you initiate with intention, knowing that you have a VERY limited timeframe to build a full family?
The apps aren’t really working at this age anymore, because most men who want more than 1 child will likely date someone in their 20s, which is understandable and I can’t fault them. (2 years dating, 1 married, 1 pregnant, 2-3 year age gap before the second kid…already puts you at 36/37 by the time you have your second child. That’s IF you meet someone within the next year!)
8 comments
I think you are doing the right thing by being proactive.
If you want to freeze your eggs is a super personal decision. You can’t ask us to guide you on that. You can find someone anywhere. Just gotta keep trying. It would be more helpful to us if you wrote where things tend to go wrong so we can give you more specific help.
If its something you really want; a family and children, you’ll have to make changes. Dress in a particular way, hide or remove tattoos, and generally be feminine – then go to areas where the kind of men you would be interested in visit (Gym, Sports clubs, Church.. .)
In my own opinion; apps are for lazy people and people looking for quick sex. This is because no effort is required to just keep swiping. Go out there do the work and all the best.
30 isn’t the end of the road for a woman who wants a family…with that being said yes due to biological limitations you should start planning ahead and taking steps sooner than later.
>How do you initiate with intention, knowing that you have a VERY limited timeframe to build a full family?
You have to date with intention as to not waste time. To avoid men who don’t want to actually commit and just string you along or hook up you need to establish an exclusive relationship after 4-8 dates (1-2 months at 1 date a week) and avoid the months long situationships thst go no where. In that same sense, make sure steps are being taken towards marriage (living together after 12-18 months, engagement 18-24 months in etc…) and don’t waste like 4 or 5 years…if you aren’t getting what you want leave since it’s better to start fresh than waste years. Have a target demographic in mind, and look at the kind of partner they pick (don’t listen to their words see who they actually pick), and then make sure you have the qualities that they look for.
>The apps aren’t really working at this age anymore, because most men who want more than 1 child will likely date someone in their 20s, which is understandable and I can’t fault them.
I’m an early 30’s M who was never married and has no kids but wants to start a family of my own and I look for women from their mid 20’s to early 30’s so you would still be on the radar for people in a similar boat. Just be mindful of what kind of partner you want and make sure you have the qualities that they look for in a partner and make yourself visible to them…basically tailor your resume for the partner you want and then push your resume in front of them so they pick you…you won’t get “hired” if they don’t see your resume or if your resume doesn’t match what they are looking for. Both making yourself visible to them and having the qualities they look for is important for anyone.
That last part really got me as I’m 29, never had a girlfriend and would like to have that time in between to space things out like you showed.
I wish you luck in your endeavor!
I’m 33 and was in a similar boat to you last year. I came out of an LTR thinking it would be my chance to have kids, but it turned toxic and I found myself single at 31. I decided to take a full year off of dating and focus on myself. Tried a dating app for a couple of days. Hated it. Decided to stop using it and leave it up to “fate” or what have you. Couple of weeks later, I met who would become my new boyfriend when I was just out doing my thing and not looking. Been together 5 months now.
My best peice of advice would not to make any assumptions about what men do or don’t want becasue of their age. There are lots of guys in their 30s that still want kids and are relationship minded. My BF is 36, has 2 kids from his previous marraige and wants more kids someday. He also told me when we started dating that he was not interested in dating women in their 20s because they’re just too young for him and it doesn’t feel right. Not all men are into women who are way younger than them.
What I would recommend if you want to date with intention is to be totally up front on your first date. That’s what we did. I said on the first date that I wanted kids someday (not in a super serious way, just as part of my basic “about me” talk at the beginning of the date). We also talked about wanting to be intentional and take things slow (we were both coming out of toxic relationships. I think, when you get into your 30s, it becomes less awkward to talk about life and relationship goals early on and not beat around the bush. The right guy won’t be scared off by you being transparent about your goals, he’ll be drawn to you because of it.
Also, forget about your timelines. No one says you have to date 2 years before marriage or that you have to be married for 1 year before trying to get pregnant. If you find the right person, things may fall into place faster than that. There are no hard and fast rules. One of my former bosses was 35 and had mostly given up on having kids. Then she met her future husband. They were married within a year of meeting and pregnant within a few months of marrying. He’s in his early 40s with a child from a previous marriage. They just had thier second child and I think she’s 38 or 39 now.
As far as egg freezing, only you can decide if that’s right for you. I personally haven’t done it, but might consider it in the future.
Find someone who has a good job, a vehicle, doesn’t live in the basement at parents home, doesn’t talk to a bunch of women, doesn’t hang out with a bunch of women and shows interest in wanting to meet you or hang out with you. I have been on that paternal clock too, since I was in my mid 20s just have wanted a family and kids of my own since I was out on my own. It isn’t really a great spot to suffer in. Being alone isn’t always as fun or made up as great as it is either.
Sorry to hear you have found yourself single at 30. But that’s still plenty young to have a family. But like others have said, don’t waste too long with a guy who has commitment issues. And if you have the money, it definitely can’t hurt to freeze your eggs, you might thank yourself one day if you don’t find the ONE in time.