Sick of my marriage and I want out

14 comments

1. You have my sympathies. I asked for divorce for the same reasons.

2. Do you work? If you do get help. Outsource what you can? Grocery delivery. Cleaning service once a week etc.

   If you don’t and it’s “expected” that you take care of the house and kids maybe counseling? Take breaks when you need them. You can’t pour from an empty cup.

3. Based on your post history you should contact an attorney soon. This guy sounds like a real loser. Sry not sry.

4. You and him should try and go to counseling to talk about your concerns. Or maybe sit with him and show him a list of things he should do to balance it out between the 2 of you help him change his perspective. His mom probably took care of him when he was younger doing everything for him so he needs time to understand how important it is for him to help you out as a husband. If all this doesn’t help him change then tell him no more sex simple as that hold that off as long as possible

5. Divorce isn’t solution at all. Talk with your husband fisrt. Try to make him understand your situations.

6. And here I am where I do EVERYTHING at home as well, yet wifey still isnt happy with me relaxing at home while I collect my fat pension while still in my 40’s?!?! Go figure!!

7. I can totally relate with every word you’ve written. It’s absolutely sad that so many women are expected to parent grown adult men with minimal reciprocation. I’m experiencing the same thing and after over a decade, it’s gotten more and more draining each year. I’m in the early stages of building my own business so that I can leave and not have to rely on his income to live comfortably. My heart goes out to you and I encourage you to set yourself up financially and socially so that if you do decide to take that leap, you will be fully empowered to do so. Best of wishes to you:)

8. Honey looking at your post history where he verbally and physically abused you in a restaurant. Leave!

   > It was an amazing night until we got to a restaurant. When our food came he abruptly left and said I was “annoying”. I am beyond confused at this point. Because I was confused where his attitude towards me came from. In my head I happy that we had the opportunity to go out and have fun. He left me in the restaurant eating alone while he went to the car. I purposely didn’t follow him so I can gather my thoughts. Moments after, he stormed into the restaurant and demanded I leave. I politely declined. I was prepared to order an Uber home because I didn’t want to be around his energy anymore. When I refused he verbally and physically assaulted me in the restaurant. I didn’t know what else to do besides to cry. I stayed in the restaurant crying.

   Call an attorney tomorrow morning. Do not tell him anything in person. Follow your attorney’s guidance on getting away from him.

   After you make the steps to leave he will come to you crying and saying he will change. Don’t believe it.

   He will start therapy and maybe even want you to come with him. Don’t do it. NEVER go to therapy with someone who has been abusive to you.

   If you feel like you want to try and work it out – he has to consistently attend (and practice what he has learned) individual therapy for at least 6 months before you even consider trying to work it out. Any less time than that he is just going through the motions to make you feel like he is trying to change.

   You need individual therapy because your normal meter is broken by his abuse and therapy can help you reset your normal meter.

   You deserve better.

9. THIS is (was?) also my husband. Things are still not perfect but got better when we talked about a few things:

   Love languages: how you experience love from one another is probably vastly different…or too similar. My husband’s (and maybe your husband’s too) is acts of service and physical touch. Thing is mine is also acts of service. But it became a game of tug-of-war because I did EVERYTHING. He was absolutely fine doing whatever I needed, provided that I asked. But for me to ask, it didn’t feel like love. And I certainly didn’t want to engage physically while feeling like that. Once we were on the same page, he started volunteering more and things improved. Again, not perfect. But better.

   How he was raised: for the vast majority of men, their closest female relationship prior to settling down, and the basis for which they base their concept of love and care was….their mother. Conversely, women are taught to be more independent and there’s still very much a culture of teaching girls to be self sufficient while teaching men to be taken care of. And it’s ridiculous and needs to stop, hopefully our generations sons will be better. BUT – it’s what a lot of men have known and understood as love their whole lives and that is really, really hard to unlearn quickly because these men are decades into it. So it requires a little bit of re-programming. My husband and I have a deal where he understands that if he does not help out, he does not get sex, and that this is not a punishment but related to my role. If I was his mother today, I cannot be his lover tonight. Period. Not negotiable. Because those roles do not mix. Changed behavior begets changed behavior.

   Ultimately, none of this works if your husband is not actually willing to work on himself and change. If not, divorce is always an option. If it fails, at least you can say you tried everything. Don’t let him convince you to stay for the kids. All that teaches children is to accept shit relationships and poor treatment in their own relationships later on. I recommend marriage counseling and a scheduled “touch base” talk about how you’re both feeling at least once a week. Either way I hope you find what you’re looking for.

10. Divorce is last options in our family life.who knows the next husband will be better or worst for her. Its. Our choice. Tried to overcome by compromises but everyone dont understand it.

11. Post history is very alarming. You can’t leave your children in that situation. Sending strength.

12. My husband once told me “I shouldn’t have to do chores around the house because my mom made me do them growing up”. Tf???

13. Reading that short paragraph. I felt it. It’s heavy. I’m glad that I’m not alone, that someone can understand how I feel but it sucks at the same time. For our kids, be strong.

    Hugs!

14. Easy answer, leave