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Hi! 35M Hinge Review
Thanks for taking the time to review and comment. Very much appreciated! At the very end of December I restarted my profile as I moved back from the suburbs into the central part of my city. So far my response rate to new messages has dropped from about 20% pre-restart to about 1/16. New likes have also dropped to about 2/week from about 1.3/day. Oddly, 27-30 year old women, including objectively very attractive ones, are responding and even liking my profile first when I do have activity but usually they don’t go anywhere. Women 31 and above who I deem in a similar looks department as me don’t seem to be responding at all. Ideally I would be matching in this second set. I just subscribed to hingex as I thought hinge might have worsened the algorithm for new non-subscribers but before I message a lot of people I wanted to make sure my profile was ok. It usually takes 10 matches to have a meetup and I usually ask after 5 back and forth messages. I’m including additional photos I can use, prompts I can change to, and the messages I typically send. Feel free to critique any and all. The photo at the end with my furry pal as a puppy used to receive like 80% of my likes but he is now two, so I’m trying to get away from it. The end photos are the stories I write behind my photos. Thanks for your help! https://lensdump.com/a/TpP5Q/?sort=date_asc&page=1
Edit: It seems like I didn’t do a great job of explaining my current photos (sorry 22frijoles and rainbowfish399) the first six photos when sorted by oldest are what I’m currently using. Any that have a grid are ones I could potentially use. I added an additional 4 more at the end when sorted by oldest that might be better at showing my face.
Looking for some advice! Just navigating a new casual thing with a pretty awesome guy. We have a lot of interests in common and I really appreciate how kind he is to me- I’ve never been given compliments like this before!
But… there are some quirks. Nothing major- and nobody is perfect- that includes me. For example I’m really passionate about being physically active and healthy- him, not so much. We don’t have to have every single thing in common and again, this dude is great in many ways! But I’m wondering how to navigate in figuring out if this is one value I just can’t compromise on?
I’ve been on five dates with a guy who abruptly ended things with me. He said he loves hanging out with me and we have all the same interests and he is physically attracted to me and really wants to have sex with me, but something is missing. All of our dates, including the last one, ended in 90 minute+ makeout sessions and we talked about escalating things physically this weekend. Neither of us were seeing or hooking up with anyone else, although we are both still on the apps. As he was ending things with me, he told me he is going through something with his family and the fact that he didn’t reach out to tell me about it is a sign of lack of emotional intimacy. We’ve had 3 activity based dates (bowling, NBA game, etc.), which were really fun and conversation flowed effortlessly, but they weren’t really conducive to having deep conversations. We’ve talked a lot about what we are looking for in a partner and out of life, our past, life goals, etc. though, which felt like an appropriate level of intimacy for the number of dates we’ve been on. I think trauma dumping too early can lead to emotional intimacy that leads you to overlooking incompatibilities. As a woman, I know men I’m attracted to, but am incompatible with. I also know men who are great friends because we have great friendship compatibility, but I’m not attracted to them. I don’t have any men in my life who are like best friends and who I have really intense physical chemistry with who I don’t want to date. This guy says we have great physical chemistry and he wants to sleep with me, but won’t out of respect to me. He also said we have all the same interests and he really wants to keep hanging out as friends because he has so much fun with me. Is this common for men to have best friends that they have intense physical chemistry with who they don’t want to date? I’m feeling like he is projecting whatever he is going through onto us and finding a problem that doesn’t necessarily have to do with us.
Took a hiatus from actively dating for a few months, but the other day I went to an in person yoga class for the first time since the pandemic and a cute guy struck up a conversation with me when we realized we were walking home in the same direction. Ended up talking to him for half an hour just standing at an intersection before parting ways. Wasn’t entirely sure if he was flirting or just being nice. Might be nothing, but it’s still fun to have a little crush. If I see him again next week I think I’ll ask if he wants to grab a drink or something!
I saw my guy yesterday after a week apart. He picked me up and dropped me off again because I needed to spend the night at my place. We cuddled and kissed for hours as usual. He cooked. It was just so lovely as usual. I love the way I feel at peace with him. There’s this “aura” of calmness, honesty and stability about him that I want in my life and I want to be the same for him.
7 weeks in and I still haven’t spotted any red flag. I look at him as he’s moving around doing things and I find him so endearing and appealing. Oh, and the day before yesterday he remembered my daughter’s birthday, which I found amazing as I only mentioned it once.
In my mind it’s somehow very obvious that we belong together and that that’s the way it will be. Dangerous assumption, I know, and as an anxiously attached individual with abandonment trauma I’m usually not one to feel this way, but if I’m honest with myself I really feel that we will stick together.
My inner child died on Sunday. Went to a trampoline park with my daughter. I experienced pissing myself a bit for the first time and then hurt my back.
I’ve been with my person for 2 months now. I’m getting more uncomfortable with sex and being close. I think it’s because I really like him.
I can’t lose myself and just enjoy sex with him due to major insecurities (yes I’m in therapy, but the body image stuff, I’m not ready to discuss right now). I also feel like I just suck at sex in general.
He asked me to meet his kid and I did. Kid liked me. I’m not even sure about him ever meeting my daughter. I haven’t told my family, other than my sister, about him. Daughter knows (she’s nearly an adult). I keep thinking, what’s the point? It probably won’t last long and I will be very embarrassed for saying anything.
Feels like I’m never in the same page with any partner I’ve ever had in terms of love. It’s like one of us is absolutely smitten and the other is “meh.” It’s like either I’m in love or infatuated with someone that’s “meh” about me or I’m “meh” about someone who’s crazy about me. I’ve tied to stick it out and see if my feelings grow, but by the time they do then my partner ends up transitioning to “meh” or is just done.
Is it asking for too much to for us to be in-love with one another at the same time?
Went on a date yesterday. He was nice, and I liked talking to him, but there wasn’t any romantic spark and there were a couple of things he did that I wasn’t a fan of, so I think it’s going to have to be a (nice) no. I am a bit nervous about telling him that because he insisted on paying for the drinks, which I’m not really a fan of – not that it isn’t nice but I always dislike the feeling of not paying my way and I’ve dated people who thought because they paid it meant I owed them something. But we’ll see what happens. And there was stuff on the date that I’m proud of myself for in terms of being assertive etc so I’m taking the positives from that.
Also I had a fairly major wobble on Saturday night where it took a lot for me to not message my ex (I didn’t, and just had a cry instead). I think I just got really overwhelmed by everything and started overthinking again, but whilst it’s passed now it’s made me rethink whether I should be doing the dating thing at all. Like I’m OK being on my own, but I don’t know if I’d say I was happy, and whilst I don’t expect a relationship to fix that I kind of feel like I won’t find a relationship until I am happy, if that makes sense. And then a lot of feelings about not knowing if I’m ready to date again because I still don’t feel fully over my ex, but I’m frustrated because I want to be and I don’t think I will be until I meet someone new. I just feel really stuck and I hate it.
Would you swipe right on someone you see all the time at your gym if they’ve never made any indication of liking you? There’s someone I see on the app a lot who trains at the same gym as me. I just realized that he’s actually kind of cute and I’m intrigued. We’ve never interacted at the gym but we notice each other to the extent that I’m 100% sure he knows who I am and would have seen my profile (small place).
I’m not really worried that he won’t have swiped right on me. I’m more worried that we match and then it’s awkward. I matched with one other guy at the gym some months ago but it ended up just being cringe.
I might try smiling at him and being more approachable, and seeing how that goes, but I’m pretty self-absorbed when I train, so it doesn’t really come very naturally to me.
This weekend we survived the first major test of a relationship.
We went to Ikea
Vent
Just feeling deflated and embarrassed.
I’ve rarely had the courage to ask someone out, but I did. They said yes.
I got excited, purchased new clothes, was really quite excited.
However, now date isn’t going to eventuate, I don’t know why. Just been friend zoned.
Now I am in negative self talk mode.. of course they wouldn’t want me, what do I have to offer, etc etc
It just sucks. I feel old and just so damn embarrassed.
I’m having a really tough time with these first dates from apps. I’ve never felt anything for a first date beyond “this was un/pleasant” and it’s really fucking with me. I went out with someone yesterday and it was nice enough but I’m not sure whether I should go on a second date. On one hand, I try to give it at least 3 dates before I say no but I’m just not sure where to draw the line between giving someone a chance and going with my gut because I’m pretty sure it won’t work out. It turns out we also have a friend in common and I don’t want to lead this person on if I know I don’t really want to pursue. I’ve always struggled with anhedonia so it’s hard to feel much from the get go with anything but I’ve been in happy relationships so it’s not like I’m totally dead inside. Just feeling a bit dejected and like I won’t be able to find someone who ~does it for me at this point.
So I’m talking to a few lovely guys. Haven’t met in person. Nothing wrong, no red flags at this point, but I just have the overwhelming feeling that I want to be alone for the time being. I don’t understand myself sometimes. I feel ready to move on, to find my person, but when I take action and start the process, I feel the opposite. It feels like I take sooooo long to truly get over stuff, and it’s like “Hello, I’m not getting any younger here!”
The good:
* Finally official divorce date known (in 3 weeks);
* Looking forward to 2023 with lots of travel & city trips here and there (NYC, SE Asia)
* Have met some new interesting people over past couple of weeks
The bad:
* Ex just bought her own place, but might only relocate in 5 months time due to current owners not being able to move out sooner.
* Realizing I will only have my young daughter 1/3rd of the time with me
The ugly:
* Well luckily NOT me; although not the handsome boy anymore from 10yrs ago my new evenings going-out were reassuring in a way, so for now will not do OLD
To break with the past, maybe I’ll do something stupid… Shave my head, grow a beard, get some tattoos(?). Really want to shed my skin and ONLY look forward into the future. Can’t be a midlife crises, had that one quite early on when I bought 2 classic cars haha. Let’s go people!
[*”i don’t mind what people say no i won’t look back for another day gonna shed my skin and walk away. walk away, walk away…..”*](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C0eMNO2d00M)