Me (29F) and my husband (29M) have been married for a year. We’ve known each other for about 4.5 years now.
However our relationship has been quite a roller coaster and with many halts throughout.
There’s quite many things bothering me such as the fact that he wants to have no interaction with my mom and brother after I stopped interacting with his family. The reason I stopped is because my in-laws abused me when I visited them and often continue to disrespect me. They have also put me in situations where I’ve been scared of my life. Thankfully I’m out of that situation but I do not wish to deal with them any more. However, my husband was and is always treated nicely by my family even then he does not want to meet or talk to them as he’s doing tit for tat. They are my only people left after my dad passed away (2020).
In our first year of marriage, we were also separated for about a month where he invited strangers to stay with him over couchsurfing. I was only told a month later and he knew that if he told me I would be really upset as he was bringing in strangers to stay(a couple). His reasoning to invite people was that he was feeling lonely.
There’s other things such as him lying to me, breaking my trust many times, not sharing any financial information(he didn’t share he got promoted or got a bonus).
These days we don’t share what’s going on in each others family as well. Things were completely opposite before marriage and this transformation is quite hard for me to deal with.
We’ve been doing therapy but often times things are repeating. I feel like walking on eggshells and wondering if it’s best to leave. Yes, I have tried talking to him but he doesn’t want to talk and it often leads to fights or passive aggressive behaviour.
Please help me understand what’s going on in his mind. Is this marriage even worth the pain?
Thanks!
3 comments
If he’s not willing to talk things out, lady don’t suffer in silence. File for a divorce. Don’t settle for him just because you got married at 29. You can still go out there and meet an ideal man who will definitely treat you way better than you are now. 4 and a half years of relationship should have been enough to know if he’s worth saying yes to or not, especially if you saw the behavioural patterns in him and his family.
> The reason I stopped is because my in-laws abused me when I visited them and often continue to disrespect me. They have also put me in situations where I’ve been scared of my life. Thankfully I’m out of that situation but I do not wish to deal with them any more.
So does your husband still interact with them or has he gone no contact too?
> . However, my husband was and is always treated nicely by my family even then he does not want to meet or talk to them as he’s doing tit for tat.
How comes you agreed to marry a guy who’s this unreasonable?
> There’s other things such as him lying to me, breaking my trust many times, not sharing any financial information(he didn’t share he got promoted or got a bonus).
Sounds like your marriage is extremely unhealthy, and you should start protecting yourself.
> We’ve been doing therapy but often times things are repeating. I feel like walking on eggshells and wondering if it’s best to leave.
It’s time to talk to a divorce attorney and prepare to move on. Furthermore, couple’s therapy? Given how unhealthy the dynamic seems, it’s a lot better to do individual counseling.
>Please help me understand what’s going on in his mind. Is this marriage even worth the pain?
You’ve only been married a year and you’re already in marriage counseling and he’s playing these childish games with you? Your marriage as it should be (happy, respectful, communicative, etc) will never be. I seriously don’t see what you’re trying to fix here. Why haven’t you left him?