Months ago I (F26) started talking with a guy (M24) who is clearly interested in me. He is incredibly sweet, smart, loves to travel, educated, very polite and respectful.
However, even though from a rational point of view he sounds like an amazing person, I don’t feel the “butterflies”.
Apart from one, I’ve always had kinda toxic relationships, with people who were not so affectionate and romantic.
I know that I like his behavioral traits, because they were something I used to fantasize thinking of a potential partner, but there’s something that blocks me.
Has anyone gone through anything similar? How did you overcome this?
I’m afraid that this “not feeling the butterflies” will always bring me to the wrong people.
7 comments
“What is real” and “what you feel” are two different things. You can follow your feelings and leave him, but someone will find him a lucky catch and marry him. Feelings are fleeting emotions and id rather chase un-toxic stability.
You might be desensitized. When we are in those dramatic, toxic relationships, having a calmer relationship with a person feels empty,
You literally just answered your own question. You’ve conditioned yourself to go after guys with toxic traits to give you the dopamine high you wanted. You like the idea of this guy. The guys who you’re used to, you didn’t know where you stood with them. Thus, you kept chasing them because it was exciting. Now you have a guy who made it clear he wants you, and it isn’t exciting. By the way, the butterflies in your stomach aren’t a good response it’s nervousness. Which is actually not a good thing. I don’t know why people are under the assumption it is.
Oh, and you always brought yourself to the wrong people, the toxic ones…
You just said the guy that treats you like a person is bad for you…
Let that sink in.
When men talk about emotionally damaged women this is what we mean
You’re attracted to men who don’t care about you, have lived a cycle of picking bad men and then when a good and honest man who will treat you well comes along you don’t find him attractive
You need a therapist not a boyfriend. No clue what’s happened in your life to get to this point but you need to work on yourself until you figure this all out. Do NOT date anyone until this is sorted, you’re only going to hurt them or yourself
Idk cause I’m the guy equivalent of you – my entire life I’ve fallen for toxic, emotionally unstable women. I’ve never felt any kinda excitement or connection with girls who don’t fit this profile, so idk.
I think it says a lot about us (people who gravitate to relationships like that) and probably means I have a lot of shit I need to work through. Regardless, you shouldn’t pursue a relationship with someone you don’t really like. It’s not fair to them.
“I found the perfect man but I don’t like him so much. Why?”
“He is incredibly sweet, smart, loves to travel, educated, very polite and respectful.”
“..he sounds like an amazing person, I don’t feel the “butterflies”
“I’ve always had kinda toxic relationships…”
Learning to *date smarter* is almost the equivalent of going on a healthy diet for some people.
Essentially it is an acquired taste learning to eat your vegetables *before* having dessert.
***”Isn’t it ironic . . . we ignore those who adore us, adore those who ignore us, hurt those who love us, and love those who hurt us.”*** – Ellen Hopkins
***”People change for two reasons; either you learn enough that you want to, or you’ve been hurt enough that you have to.”*** – Unknown
***”When you start seeing your worth, you’ll find harder to stay around people who don’t.”*** – Unknown
***”Dating is primarily a numbers game…. People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That’s just the way it is.”*** – Henry Cloud
Best wishes!
You have issues