My husband and I are both in our 20s. I have always had a good relationship with my parents growing up. My mom was always there for me and was really my best friend. I started seeing my husband and my parents hated him immediately because of a difference in views. They hated him for it, and my husband hated them for it. That did not bother me at all at the time because he was the perfect man for me and we wanted to be together regardless. I did not see myself leaving someone I love because my family did not like them.
Fast forward to today, we have had a lot of issues. We argue all the time and he has done some things that have broken my trust. He has never cheated on me, but has done things in that category that cross boundaries. I felt manipulated and unappreciated for awhile. It seemed to be pretty toxic at the time. We agreed to get a divorce and I ended up telling my family about it. They asked why we were divorcing and I told them why. I cried to them and vented because again, they are amazing and have always been here for me.
Some time goes by and my husband and I are deciding whether to stay together and work things out or really separate. We want to go to therapy and talk through things because both of us realized where we went wrong. My family told me if I get back together with him, they will pretty much disown me because they do not want their daughter to be with a manipulator. I regret venting to them and telling them we were divorcing because now they absolutely hate him even more and there is no coming back from that.
I don’t want to lose my family over this. I do love my husband but staying with him seems like a risk to me because I don’t know if therapy will really help us. He hurt me more than anyone knows, so staying will be a lot of work and I don’t fully know if I want to do that either. He seems to be genuinely apologetic and wants to fix things.
I just don’t know what to do. Do I take the risk and stay with my husband, meaning I will most likely lose my family? Or do I leave him like our original plan. I have no idea what to do. I am just so hurt by everything happening.
4 comments
Figure out where you’re going and what you’re doing with your husband and your marriage first.
Then talk about the relationships between him and others.
I will say this after being married almost 35 years now: you married your husband because you loved him, if you can work thru the pain and develop a stronger relationship then stay married. You’re not going to raise children with your parents, your not going to grow old with your parents, You’re not going to share all you hopes and dreams with your parents. If it comes to a choice, choose your husband.
Yikes!
Dog gone it, why can’t parents stop putting influence on their kids’ lives?
No matter what comes out of your relationship, your parents better support it. If they have concerns, then they should pray for you, but for sure be there for you, not IF it crashes so they can show off and say, “I knew it was coming.” But all through it.
**** My heart was broken when my husband left after 25 years. When I called crying so hard, the dumb relatives said, “well, we saw it years ago. Why didn’t you?” That’s not what you say. At that time I needed support, not to feel like I was stupid. Idiot relatives!
This certainly is a tough one, and a tough spot to be in. It’s gonna take some forgiveness from both your hubby and family to steady the ship so to speak.
A meeting of some sort ought to be had btwn you your hubby and family to clear the air up. Nobody’s perfect and for a young couple that’s trying to gain their footing, mistakes will be made. If you can somehow get your hubby to apologize for everything..that maybe the thing that settles this storm.
I also suggest you (bc it seems you want to work things out with your hubby) and hubby let the family know you both will seek out marriage counseling and or therapy to help with the marriage and things.
I don’t think your family will disown you altogether. It seems more like a manipulation move so you won’t go back to your husband. Its not a good look imo for them. Bc from what you say they love you immensely.
Good luck