Don’t you find it so much easier to mimic behavior than be yourself? Being myself there are wayy too many variables to choose how to be.
I’m wondering if this is an actual problem. I’ve turned 30 and people are telling me in their own very nice ways that I don’t have a personality.
Actually I definitely have a personality. I’m just not sure who he is because I haven’t seen him in a long time. “But it’s not about what I’m running from, its about what I’m growing into.” \~ As I’m telling myself. I think its that I want to be so many different ways. I value and admire so many different things that I can’t choose between them. I want to be strong, kind, commanding, loving, persuasive, pleasing. Of course it’s all situational, but the situations are near infinite and I can’t define how I should be for each one of them. As you can see I’ve become a planner at this stage of my life and planning this is just chaotic and stressful if not actually impossible.
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There’s a lot of interesting studies around congruency. They’re linked to work, but the relationship between being able to act in accordance to who you are and how you act is shown to be important for several factors at work such as enjoyment, motivation and stress. I think it’s a fair assumption that it applies for life as a whole.
Vulnerability, and the risk and reward tied to it, is important for relationships. If you never stood firm in the truth of who you are, flaws and all, can you truly claim to be known by another? And is a life lived without being known, and accepted, a life well lived?
Brené Brown has great litterature on vulnerability. Her “Daring Greatly” might be a worthy read while you find yourself.
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I find it easier when I dont make effort to talk to people and be yourself less pressure and effort
It’s a defense mechanism. If you aren’t “you” and someone rejects you, it’s no big deal.
But you have to be yourself to grow. It’s scary but you can do it. You’re able to self-reflect and that’s really the first step to growth. A lot of people never get there