My boyfriend and I have been together for 5months. We’ve had a good relationship, except that I feel he is too immature at times. That’s about it. He is probably the best boyfriend I’ve ever had.
The last month or so, I have been having daydreams of screwing my boyfriend’s best friend. I’m not even sure why it began. I wasn’t attracted to him at all, and I barely knew him. My boyfriend joked a lot about his best friend, and I screwing around behind his back (which has not occurred). Part of me felt like he wanted that, as he has some weird kinks, but I was his first, so we’re still finding new things out.
I texted my best friend (25M) about it and confessed how guilty I felt. My boyfriend went through my phone and found those messages. I told him that I wasn’t attracted to his best friend and assured him that I only wanted him. He said he felt very betrayed and like he couldn’t trust me or his best friend. He seemed completely over it in a week, but he will make an occasional comment about it.
His best friend and I talk, but not much. We work together and sneak occasional glances at one another. My boyfriend told me when we first started talking that his best friend was attracted to me. Which started the joke of his best friend wanting me and altered to his best friend and I sleeping together.
I think I’ve developed a crush on his best friend. Help.
Edit: I posted this in a rush and didn’t explain much. I, in no way, have a desire to cheat on my boyfriend. I was not physically attracted to his best friend. The intrusive thoughts/fantasies happen so often recently. The thought that I have a crush on him has just arisen in the last couple of weeks. I’m not sure if the thoughts started because of the comments my boyfriend would make or not. I’m just genuinely confused. I reached out to my best friend and talked to him about it within the first week. I described the thoughts as intrusive and told him I was genuinely perplexed. I just want the thoughts to stop. I want to sit down with my boyfriend and talk to him about all of this, but I’m not even sure what to say. I know he has concerns, and I want to address them without lying to him.
2 comments
22 year old person is more mature than 19 year old one. So that should change.
Other than that your crush should wither by itself eventually. That is besides the point that you know his friend on a surface level, so you have no idea if things between you would work out.
Tell your bf you didn’t have any such thoughts until he started throwing in suggestions and somehow you have felt like it was turning him on. Since it’s obvious to you it is not the case you will do your best to avoid contact and get over these feelings.
Okay to address your edit.
You are lying.
Read your post again to yourself especially this part “we work together and sneak occasional glances at one another”
So you have feelings for the friend, and have been flirting with the friend, and have been emotionally cheating on your BF, even if it was one sided (apparently).
So before you lie to your BF, start by actually telling yourself the truth, and then decide what you want to do about it.
If you decide to try to stay with the BF you need to cut the friend out of your life ASAP