I (27F) have a super hard time cumming with a partner. I don’t have any issues masterbating by myself though. The only times I’ve managed have been with a vibrator and it takes longer than by myself. My partners have been really good with foreplay and they have been very enthusiastic about giving oral. I can barely feel the oral or even when I try to finger myself. When I’m by myself I usually just use my hands and throw in the vibrator maybe 1/4 times. I think it’s a mental block more than physical but I don’t know how to get past it. During sex I have a hard time concentrating, getting distracted by either what’s going on in front of me or whatever happened that day. I’ve heard to not focus on the orgasm but I don’t really know how to do that. Any advice?
2 comments
The Come As You Are podcast answered almost this exact question in a recent episode. They gave some practical advice. I think it was this one
https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cub21ueWNvbnRlbnQuY29tL2QvcGxheWxpc3QvZTczYzk5OGUtNmU2MC00MzJmLTg2MTAtYWUyMTAxNDBjNWIxL2I2ZTExODlmLWJkYjUtNGUwNi1iMDllLWFlYTkwMTFmNjM4Ni83NzE1MGU4Yy04MmZiLTRjOTUtODNlNy1hZWE5MDExZmQ4MTgvcG9kY2FzdC5yc3M/episode/MTJiZjQ1YmQtMWI1ZS00ZTEyLWFmZjYtYWY2NDAwMmE1M2Qx?ep=14
It’s all about the process of getting comfortable having an orgasm on front of someone else.
For the concentration problem, a daily meditation practice helps me a lot. You learn how to notice when your thoughts are off on a tangent so you can focus back on your body.
Okay, he knows about it certainly. Is he willing to help? If so you might try this: It’s a matter of transferring your receptiveness to stimulation from yourself to your partner.
Lie next to him and practice giving yourself an orgasm. When you’re able to consistently do that, the next step is to have him hold you while you do it. Then, when you’re able to consistently to that, have him put his hand on yours so he learns your motions. This is a big step, so it may take some time. Then, when you’re consistently able to orgasm like that, put his hand where you want it and use his hand to give youself orgasms. If it doesn’t happen, go back a step until you’re really comfortable, then try to advance again.
Then try having him give you orgasms without your assistance. Again, that is a big step. Be very patient with yourself and it’s going to take some patience of your partner’s part but it’s worth it in the end.
A girlfriend once told me an orgasm is a selfish thing. It’s okay to take it because your partner wants you to have it as a gift. And it’s okay not to have it if you don’t feel like it.