My boyfriend stopped wanting sex so I did too but now he’s mad at me?
Okay so my (18f) boyfriend (19m) go to college together. He stays in an apartment and since it’s my first year I stay in dorms. We’ll hang out a lot, go to the gym together, hang out in his room, etc. We started dating in high school and now we go to college together.
I have a very high sex drive especially when I like someone so at the beginning of our relationship we had a lot of sex, foreplay, all kinds of things but it started to wan a bit. I’ll initiate and he’ll be too tired from the gym or from school/work. It’ll hurt but I felt like sex isn’t really that important to our relationship.
I’ve gotten used to him not wanting sex and my libido has gone down. I don’t masturbate as often, I don’t watch porn, nor do I initiate anymore. I usually work/school go to his place to hang out, and maybe fall asleep.
Recently, he’s been wanting sex more all of a sudden and I’ve gotten so used to not having it that I just don’t want to do it anymore. It doesn’t hold my interest like it did. I’ve been putting more focus in other areas of my life and I’m just not in the mood anymore.
We had an argument last night about him being sexually frustrated with me, and what is he supposed to do. I told him “I’m just not in the mood to do it. It’s not that big of a deal. Jerk off or buy a sex toy. I have one it’s no big deal.”
Which set him off even more tbh. He was like “So you use a sex toy instead of sleeping with me?”
And I replied “ I used to when you stop being interested in sex a few months ago. But nowadays it just kinda sits in my nightstand, I don’t really think about sex or masturbating like that.”
He accused me of doing this to get back at him but in all honesty I never took it to heart him not wanting to sleep with me. I took it as he’s human and of course not gonna want sex all the time.
After a little more of going in circles with this argument he stormed out of his apartment, leaving me there. I felt uncomfortable with being in his place without him being there since every time I come over he’s with me so I left. Now he’s refusing to talk to me or answer my text. It hurts yes but if he wants to end the real the relationship I’ll let him go. Is this is a breakup? I’ve stopped texting him and just went back on with my life.
Tl;dr: my boyfriend stopped wanting sex so I stop craving it and now he’s wanting sex but I don’t have the libido or interest in it to do it and now he’s not talking to me.
5 comments
You two are young, but it should definitely be about fulfilling each other’s needs.
It sort of reads as him wanting his needs met, but when your needs weren’t being met, he didn’t care
You’ve defacto broken up since neither of you are putting any effort into trying to maintain the relationship. But I think you should go ahead and make it official so the two of you can be open for other relationships. Your relationship has fizzled to nothing, but ambiguity isn’t really helpful when it comes to moving on and moving past this.
Hopefully your libido will come back once you are single. You no longer need to suppress your libido to try to be comfortable in the relationship.
I understand your being upset, he is being childish, but if your libido went down, you’ll need to figure out how to get it back up with your next guy.
Unless its strictly the idea of having sex with your bf is turning you off.
Are you one hormonal birth control? I’m a women and I’ve noticed my libido goes down when I use them. Sex is a huge part of being in a relationship but how much sex various among each couple. But like ubiytsa_pizdy said, It’s a red flag that he didn’t care when you needed it.
Well to him you leaving is basically meaning “We are done” and now he’s not talking to you? Yeah I think he thinks you’ve ended the relationship. No only that but withholding sex from each other is toxic I get that not everyone always wants to have sex but you two use it like a weapon with each other. You both need couples therapy if you want this relationship to survive but it sounds like you are checked out of it and you even said you are just moving on with your life.
Sounds like you two were never right for each other anyway. If you want it over then at least call him one last time and say “Are we over? If you don’t respond to me I’m going to assume so and don’t come crying to mean about anything because if you don’t respond this time around