Me (26F) and my boyfriend (24M) have been official for 2 weeks now. We met toward the end of October and really hit it off. He’s funny, witty, smart, attractive, and charming – the whole package. I love being with him.
We haven’t had sex yet, but I have a feeling it’s going to be happening very soon. I am petrified. I’m not a virgin, but almost all of my previous sexual encounters have been negative. Come to find out, my boyfriend only recently lost his virginity in March of 2022. I’ve expressed my anxiousness about intimacy with him, and he seems to be okay with taking it slow because he’s a little nervous too. But I feel like when things finally start to happen, my anxiety will hinder my performance
TL;DR: I want to be intimate with my new boyfriend, but I have a history of bad sexual encounters. I’m just nervous it’s not going to go well. Help please
6 comments
bringing your past to your present will not do you any favors.
do your best to forget your experiences, focus on him and work together moving forward.
Well first make sure you’re comfortable with him and things should go smoothly.
Don’t overthink just go for a ride.
The first time May not be perfect especially if you both are inexperienced but after a couple times y’all will figure out each others wants and desires
alcohol.
If you don’t feel comfortable, don’t do it. If he ever has a problem with that, he’s not the one. If you don’t ever feel comfortable about it, then he should accept that or move along.
Not saying this is the right answer, but I have had a few gf’s with the same problem. I just had an easier time because they felt safe that I would respect there boundaries and don’t force things. With my last gf teasing helped a lot. Making the touching, kissing and foreplay take up an hour. That definitely gets us in the mood quick!
Are you actively addressing these issues through counseling or therapy?
Always confused on reddit when dating takes priority over getting help. Should you be dating if you’re not ready?
You say “history of negative sexual encounters”, as in plural. You are taking these accumulated negative encounters and unresolved past trauma from one relationship to the next. Why not pause on dating until you are in a healthy, mental place to deal with intimacy?