My boyfriend (26m) and I (32f) have been together for 6 months. He pursued me and has been very open about wanting to spend his life with me. He even told his entire family I was “the one” and is the most loving and caring person I know. He is very vocal about how strongly he feels about me and most of the time he shows it in his actions as well… which is why this is all so confusing to me.
Last night I treated him to a special date and during the dinner half, a really pretty blonde walked by with her boyfriend. My boyfriend starred at her the entire time, and literally turned his shoulders to continue looking at her then looked her up and down before returning back to me. It made me so sad/upset my mood completely shifted. This has happened once before and I thought it seemed too immature for me to complain, but now it’s really bothering me.
My friend told me because he has really bad ADHD and dyslexia he probably doesn’t even realize he’s doing it and I shouldn’t be so upset. I know it’s natural to take a peek here and there and notice an attractive person, but it’s BUGGING me.
He continued to act lovingly towards me, even though I went totally cold. I even cancelled our entire weekend plans and I’m sure he’s clueless to why.
Am I overreacting? Is this something I should tell him?
TL;DR: Caught my super loving (ADHD and dyslexic) boyfriend of 6 months checking out another girl during date. I’m mad. Should I be?
5 comments
Given that he ignored you and literally turned around to keep ogliing this woman (which is gross), your feelings are justified. But you need to tell him how you feel – men are not mind readers.
Sit him down and explain what you noticed and then how it affected you and made you feel on the date. Be clear that you lniw he will notice women sometimes (you notice men too!) But you will feel ignored and disrespected if he literally stares slack jawed at them for ages as if they are a piece of meat.
Men and women who care about their partner still have eyes, but if they check someone else out, they have a quiet look and h back to focusing on their date. My fiance has literally never ogled a woman in front of me in the years we’ve been together. I’m sure he’s seen hot women, but he knows better than to ignore me when I’m in front of him.
You’re only 6 months in. Ignore what he says, do not progress this relationship until he has demonstrated that he understands that this is rude and doesn’t do it any more.
My husband does this and is totally oblivious to it most of the time. He loves me but he can’t help but stare at pretty shiny things. He has ADD as well.
I wonder how he’d react if you stared at some guy… Just for the heck of it 💁🏻♀️
Fuck his ADHD ( I too have it). At most it’s a reason, NOT an excuse. Dyslexia has nothing to with this.
And you must put a kibosh on this relationship if he can’t act like he’s ready to be in a relationship. You are not married. You are there to test drive and if the engine is making by weird noises, you don’t bring the car home.
As a man, if I’m out in the world and I see an attractive woman I’m probably going to be looking her way. I feel like it’s a pretty natural thing for most people to do.
Do you trust him? Do you trust his commitment to you? Because this post kind of makes it sound like you don’t. Looking isn’t cheating. I would be more concerned with what happened after he looked.
That being said if someone I were involved with initiated a conversation with me about it making them feel insecure, if I loved them, I would dial back any of my actions (within reason) that made them feel insecure, because I love them.