Currently going through a very rough breakup (found out I was cheated on, tried to see if we could make it work but it seems I can’t do it). Trying to accept the situation for what it is and keep my head focused on the future but it’s really hard to remain positive right now.. feels like I’ve fallen into a black pit with no way out. So what did you learn, and what are you doing with yourself now?
13 comments
It taught me life fucking sucks sometimes. I’m still not properly over it now, it was a dog.
That you don’t need to be in a relationship to be happy, took me two days to get over it and if I’m honest I slept almost entirely through one of those days.
You can both seriously and deeply love each other. But that doesn’t mean the relationship will work out
7 months in and I’m still dealing with it (5 year relationship) couldn’t face a normal life without her yet so I’m currently laying low in Greece
I learned nothing and I never will!
That if someone liked me genuinely I wouldn’t have to fight for love/affection. Took me maybe a couple of months to get over, but something I do take with me when dating again so a worthwhile lesson tbh.
You learn the hard way first few times then it’s just something that happens. You move on a lot quicker when your older.
Sorry to hear you’re going through a rough heartbreak. It’ll work out in the end and it hurts a lot now, but you’ll likely realise down the line it was a good thing in the end!
Ultimately I see former relationships as learning experiences for my new one. I see what I did wrong and stereotypical red flags of my former partners, and it allows me to have more fulfilling relationships in the future.
I say this but I had two girlfriend’s before my current one, neither for more than 10 months (both very toxic though), my current girlfriend and I have dated for almost five years though and she’s an absolute sweetheart, but as I say, I definitely learned and made stupid mistakes in previous relationships (like not leaving earlier than I did etc).
Ultimately for you, just know it will get better and you won’t always feel this horrible and murky. Make sure to do your best to look after yourself which can be tough, as I remember when I split up with my former girlfriend I struggled to eat, drink or look after myself properly for a few weeks at least. Try not to let that get on top of you, and know that in the future it’ll be a lot better.
Most people will tell you “time’s a healer” but that doesn’t help in the short term. I always think it’s easier to be mad than be sad. Allow yourself to be pissed off at them for cheating, for not realising what a fantastic partner they had and not treating you the way you deserve to be treated. Give yourself the mindset of “I’m lucky I dodged that bullet” and then don’t look back.
Sometimes the heartbreak lasts longer than you were together. It took me 2 years to start feeling positive about the future again, but it probably would have gone quicker if I put myself out there more so that’s something to consider. If I was you I’d spend some time doing you. Hit the gym, find a hobby, spend more time with friends etc
I’m probably too comfortable on my own now and that’s something I need to work on because I’ve turned down some nice girls this last 12 months
I’m not sure I’ll meet anyone like my ex again, but I’ve come to accept that as another of life’s many lessons.
Last heartbreak? It taught me that people are not permanant, they’re temporary and they bring a lesson at the end of the day.
Loving and caring for someone who you feel so much for will not make the other person stay
That you should never send those long message paragraphs to someone who just doesn’t care. To acknowledge a red flag and don’t ignore it.
To blame the cheater, not the other woman. My ex cheated on me during covid when we were going through some very difficult personal difficulties. I forgave him after a while as I reasoned it was a symptom of stress. We still broke up and he got with the other woman. I never forgave her cos we had been friendly and although he had told her we were split up when he cheated she happily believed him without suspicion. I always felt sad that that was how we’d ended and such a good thing had gone to waste cos of some other girl turning his head.
Fast forward to Christmas just gone. He is reaching out to me, trying to get us back together. For half a second I remember our good times. But then I remember how it ended. I ask him about her and get no reply. So I get in touch with her. They’re still together. He’s pulling the same shit on her! A cheater is always a cheater and apparently this guy has never heard of tinder!
Lesson of the story: that guy was trash and he was playing the other woman just as much as he’d played me. I won’t blame a woman for a man’s bad behaviour again
That possibly the worst reason to be in a relationship is because they think they ought to be in one.