I can’t post on r/relationship_advice and we’ve been dating <6 months, so I’m posting this here.
Very summarized version:
My [18M] girlfriend [18F] is extremely depressed. She self harms and has suicidal thoughts. She has bad past trauma and very likely undiagnosed PTSD. She also has trust issues. She claims to have ADHD and/or multi personality disorder.
She can’t see a therapist due to none in the area taking her insurance and her family can’t afford to pay out of pocket. She says she would rather see someone in person than try online help.
I’m not a therapist. I try to see her when I can but school is harsh with my intense curriculum and I like to go to the gym. I feel productive and active there, and it makes me feel secure. I see her 1-2 times per week. During college application season, that was more like once a month (I wasn’t allowed out).
She overthinks everything I say. I have autism and often said things wrong, and she wildly misinterprets it. Example, asking if a piece of clothing is attractive, I say no, she thinks I meant she’s ugly, not the clothing. She told me to always be honest but often put me in situations I felt forced to lie or hurt her. She responded “do you?” to I love you on multiple occasions because of this and it hurt. I felt manipulated (in more ways than just this). Eventually, I told her “either stop manipulating me or we break up” (in a much more emotional manner, remember this is VERY summarized). Well the manipulation did stop mostly, though I feel she now hides her true feelings/insecurities to try and not hurt me. But I couldn’t have continued how we were before.
Well basically everyday now she’s always sad and struggling to get up, etc. I want to help her but I don’t know how to. I reassure her and compliment her and try to motivate her but it doesn’t really work. She can’t make friends because she was bullied out of school and now goes online school, so besides work, she’s not really out much. Her hobbies don’t bring her joy anymore.
Any resources for her / me to use or pieces of advice are welcome. Questions for context are also welcome. Thank you!
1 comment
You can’t help someone who won’t help themselves. It’s also not a great idea to get overly attached to these sorts of people either. You’re 18, you guys aren’t married. Depression is horrible, I’ve dealt with it my entire life. But no one else can save you from yourself. It’s to your gf to make a change. Only then could she see improvement. I’d monitor carefully how this impacts your life and wellbeing. If it gets hard or toxic, you aren’t a bad person for walking away.