I seriously don’t know what traits define me as a person (socially) because, whenever I’m in a group, I’m usually laughing along to something someone said or adding on to someone’s existing statement. I don’t feel very unique, I usually try to copy the responses/reactions of my peers but it hardly goes well since it’s a part of their personality and since there’s nothing else to do, I tend to overreact and exaggerate just for laughs, which I honestly find so cringe.
I’m just usually stuck there listening or nodding along or laughing, I want to stop being so awkward and stiff and cringe and be someone who actually has a personality other than being a clueless, dumb person who does weird awkward shit just for 2 seconds of attention and laughter and just says weird pretentious stuff.
I find it hard to truly gel with people, so I tend to act stupid and try to fill the silence by spewing nonsense so that people could keep me around. I’m honestly way more intelligent than how I act, I want to stop this and get an actual personality, who can connect with people on all levels.
I don’t know if I even have a real personality that my character can be truly defined by. I hope I do. Any suggestions or advice? I’d really appreciate it.
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I felt this way for a long time because I am a quiet person who tried way too hard not to be. With the advent of social media, I made it a personality for myself. When in social situations, I am the one sitting quietly with good posture and making simple comments that make everyone laugh. When it’s just two people, great conversation. What do you like about yourself? How do you want to be around people? Have you tried one on one convo?
Honestly, just spend more time with yourself. Find things you alone enjoy and go enjoy them by yourself. Explore hobbies and pay attention to what intrigues you, without asking for anyone else’s opinion. When you scroll your own social media, what aesthetics are most pleasing to you? What makes you laugh when there’s no one else around? That’s you. Do your best to be aware of who you are when you know you’re alone, and then let that shine when you approach social situations. Don’t say things just to say them or to be agreeable with a group- put intention into your words and mean what you say. Give yourself a safe space to get comfortable being authentic, and your personality will light up like a candle wick that’s just gotten all the wax scraped off it. I will say, a person’s personality is usually at least partially built by the experiences they have with people and “adopting” their mannerisms, so it’s okay to mirror people in that sense if you really click with how they carry themselves and if it boosts your own confidence. But the bulk of finding your own personality is to just spend time with you!
This is called people pleasing. You said you’re smarter than how you present yourself. I feel that way. But we hide our true selves. In my case I have an abusive father. So, I think I’ve learned to hide my true self not to be hurt. Mate Gabor describes the process of ehat you want as uncovering the authenticity. We are authentic when are alone and maybe online, but when we see people we start acting. It’s there, but our brain hides it. I’d be lying if I said I know how not to awkward around people. I act awkward all the time with people. But from time to time I add something. I read and I know one thing or two about a variety of subjects. I don’t know if these two balance, but I think I’m more accepting of this fact about me, and just brush it off afterwards
If you want I can give you some of mine, I have multiple.