I’m not in a great headspace right now. I’m 40 with a new baby, degrees I’m not using and I feel like I’m not moving forward in life. I have no interest in hobbies I use to love and a lot of what I do in my free time now feels like an obligation.
My work is unfulfilling, general warehouse stuff. It pays “well” at $23/hr, but it’s not enough to get ahead on and I worry I won’t be able to do it 5 or 10 years. All the jobs I can find pay significantly less, require training I can’t afford/ have time to pursue, or are sales positions I don’t have the personality for. Promotions at work are few and far between and I keep getting passed over without an interview.
Our rent isn’t bad, but it goes up every year and I can’t count on a yearly raise to help balance it out. I feel like I need to start cutting back on everything we enjoy just to pay the necessary bills and if it’s like this now I don’t know how I’ll be able to retire even with money going into my 401k every paycheck.
I’ve tried to look into therapy, but everyplace covered by my insurance is either full or didn’t even respond and I certainly can’t afford to pay out of pocket.
Do any of you have any suggestions on how to deal with all this?
11 comments
Man I’m sorry for you brother. I think you are on the right path. Cut back on some stuff and adapt your lifestyles. But at least keep doing one thing that keeps you entertained. Be strong and don’t lose hope. The world is cruel and unrelenting. Take care of your baby. Watch it grow. Teach your baby with everything good and whatever wisdom you acquire.
Welcome to depression. I feel ya on about 90% of this. But i wont change my life for the better. Im just on auto pilot on life. An NPC in a broken world. I come to reddit to just shoot the shit. Complain about my wife. Laugh at memes. People here expect miracles to happen. They wont. Life isn’t a video game or movie. Some people have a shitty life until the day they die.
Honestly weed has kept me out of jail ironically. Well most of the time anyway.
What are your degrees? Have you calculated your retirement numbers? Are you invested properly?
No offense, but you should have the “fighter” mentality. What can you do to change and how to make it happen, instead of the defeatist attitude that you have now. Think about your newborn. That should be your motivation to improve yourself.
I’m sorry. I hope it works out for you. Give yourself some time to process things and plan your next steps afterwards. You don’t have to have it all figured out just because you’re 40. You can figure it out when you’re 50 or even 60. Enjoy your time with your new baby, look at them as your motivation, your desire to make the world a better place, and your home a safe space. Cut yourself some slack, forgive yourself just because you can’t control how life happens. If it helps look at it this way, you have finished school, you have a job, you have a new family, you have a home. You’re already many steps ahead of many people, now all you need to do is find out how you can keep this stable, and possibly earning what you really deserve. I’m sending you my best wishes.
I listen to sad music. Maybe it’s not the best method but it’s kinda calming and it helps to exteriorize whatever I need to exteriorize.
If you believe in God, go ahead and pray first and tell Him everything that’s bothering you. And then look at your finances- do you have any debt that can be paid off? Do you have car loans? Having no car payments is a HUGE relief, you’ll have a little more ‘breathing room’ financially. Once you’ve tallied and wrote down your finances, its time to work like you’ve never worked before. Go ahead and get a second job while wifey raises and takes care of the baby.
I know OP you were probably looking for a recreational activity, but as men, we’re natural problem solvers or its in our instinct to face the problem head on. There’s just no other way around it. Use your family as inspiration to better your lives and everything will come to you in time- like what you wanna truly do with your life, etc… But right now the mission is to take care of your family and having money helps give you options in everything you wanna do for your family and for yourself too. Its better to be busy making money instead of being consumed by your negative thoughts.
Hang in there, OP. I know you’re strong because you’ve lived this life so far and you have all the reason to keep going. Take a deep breath and sigh, and then go to work. Pray as if everything depends on God, BUT work as if everything depends on YOU. Your blessings will come in due time, OP. Just gotta have faith things will be better.
Be alone
1. Shop around for a better paying job.
2. You mention warehouse work? Do you have a college degree or any training? If not, look into what it would take to get into a better paying profession. If you go to college have a plan for the field of work that you want to get into. If you just blindly take classes you’ll never get anywhere. Another option is look into a skilled trade. Many unions have excellent apprenticeships that pay very well while you are a student. Even some non-union companies have these. A little investment now in your education and training will greatly pay off in the near future. Before saying “I can’t afford school”, right now fill out a FAFSA form when you do your taxes and also apply for every scholarship that you can find, even if you think you wouldn’t quality. Also, many jobs offer tuition reimbursement.
3. New babies are tough. Many marriages fail because of the stress of raising kids. Find a babysitter for a night or day and make time for yourself to do something fun.
4. Have a positive attitude and don’t mope around. This will be detrimental to your family like and job.
You’ve got depression bud. Engage in self care and build up a community for yourself. These are the foundations of your mental health
I game. Or watch movies, specifically horrors.