28yo M here, the past couple years have been eating at me that I haven’t made more close friends. Sorry it’s kinda long.
I had a decent group of friends in the past when I attended community college, but then my father passed away at 21, I had to drop out to manage his business. For 6 years I ran his company where basically everyone I socialized with was twice my age and married.
I do have a couple friends I’ve known since childhood, but to be honest they don’t have the healthiest habits(drugs and not much career/educational ambition). They’re fun to chat with at times, but I desire friendships with other people that hold similar values to career and university education.
When Covid hit in 2020, I decided to finish my college degree by transferring to a university in 2021. Each semester I have connected with some classmates, forming regular camaraderie and even getting their contact information, we would occasionally chat through text over the semester. However, once the semester is over, usually these friendships end, and the cycle begins again with the next semester’s classmates.
Only one occasion have I maintained 2 friends over multiple semesters(we kept taking similar classes). We also celebrated the end of the semester a couple times at a bar off campus.Though one just graduated, the other is not in any of my classes this coming semester and we’re both graduating(she applied for law school). This has been a kick in the gut, because it seemed like us 3 clicked well and I was excited for a good friendship. Also helped that we were all “older students”(25, 28, and 31).
Another disappointment for me was the end of last semester, formed a fun group with 3 other classmates. Got their phone numbers, we had a great vibe. One even wanted to invite me to her bday party sometime in the future. She asked if I was over 21 because she was turning 21 and wanted to bar hop downtown lol. Flattered, but revealed I was actually 28, everyone in the group was surprised, they thought I was closer to 22. I understand the age gap, I don’t want to be the “weird old guy”, but I won’t lie a bit bummed that our communication kinda disappeared once the semester ended. My life from 21 to 27 had been working with 50 year olds, I never got to experience socializing in my 20’s, so part of me was excited she wanted to invite me. Then again, maybe her birthday is later in 2023, and we’ll get back in contact once school starts again, who knows.
My final semester starts next week. So far I haven’t made any long term friends over the past 2 years. I’ll admit that I didn’t really network or join clubs as much because I took many classes, needed to prove to myself I could get good grades. This semester I only have 3 laid back classes, though I wonder if it’s a little lame to join a club in one’s final Senior semester haha.
I’m just a little sad that college is where you have the perfect place to socialize, but that didn’t really happen for me. I know I’m a late bloomer, which is why I feel the clock ticking since most people’s social groups lock in by their late 20s.
Apologies for the essay, though I needed to get that out and wondered how I may go about growing my social circle?
2 comments
So many functions group meetings and ops in college- just get out there and have some fun.
I saw a movie called Larry Crowne and the way he made friends when he took some classes is ideal and natural. He was approached by a girl named Talia but it also works when you invite people to go do something
F20 here, I gotta say that I can relate about with your case, since before college I really was just on my own, no actual friends whatsoever. So, now that I’m in college, I dived right into the social dynamics that I missed growing up. Overwhelming but I already got myself a nice group of friends.
Now, you could join a club, it’s your last semester anyways. If you meet someone there or any of your classes, have lunch with them occasionally or just ask if you can hang out for a while. You’re not being a creep.
And yes, the age gap understandably affects how you can connect with younger people. Still, for some it’s not like a “friendship requirement” that you’re on their same age range lol
I dunno how you feel on going clubbing on your own, but you can always find a small group of people and ask nicely if you can join them, no harm in that. I find it a bit easier since everyone is in a looser mood.