Who wants a divorce but isn’t divorcing?

7 comments

1. I want a divorce. I think. What stops me are monetary reasons and I’m not sure if I can actually do any better than what I’ve got. Do i trade this “meh… could be worse” marriage on the chance I can find better at 51? Or do I suck it up and soldier on through a passionless roommate situation until I die? Decisions, decisions…

2. I was listening to a podcast the other day where they got into that old discussion about, “What would you do if you had 10 million dollars?” and I immediately thought, “I’d get a divorce.” My marriage is better than it was a year ago, but we’re just kind of treading water right now. It’s unfulfilling, but not bad enough to break up my kids’ family and go through the kind of financial hardship a divorce would cause.

3. I want a divorce. Why do I stay? Because I have a son and I do want to be in his life. I am afraid if I do get a divorce that I won’t be able to be in his life as his father. So I keep living with my wife that isn’t interested in me so I can be in my sons life because we are a family. In the end, I don’t see it as I am married to my wife but more that I have legal documents that says I can be with my son. (My fears can be totally unfounded but I still have them)

4. Ever since we got married my wife has basically let herself go. We have sex maybe once every other 3 months. I also think I’m severely depressed. Sometimes I just want to stay at work. My life right now is nice, but it’s becoming hard to be around her. I do most of the cleaning around the house because she can’t be bothered to clean her messes. She hired a maid and uses that as an excuse to leave trash everywhere. I don’t know what would happen if I brought up divorce but sometimes I do fantasies about it.

5. I want a divorce.

   Rather I want to be divorced. I haven’t gotten my head around asking for one, or what it really means to go through the process.

   Why do I stay? I have a good life. Between the wife and I we make a comfortable living. Either of us could make it on our own financially, but with significantly less disposable income.

   We’re in the roommate stage of things, which means lots of free time and activities I like.

   My wife is also a pretty great person. Definitely a good partner for the practical side of life.

   But our romantic relationship is gone. She’s made it clear that she has no interest in a physical relationship of any kind. There isn’t even a casual hug or holding hands.

   I’m feeling older, and ‘d like to have at least one more shot at a sex life before I die.

   There’s a lot of guilt there too. Leaving someone because of a dead bedroom is a tough thing for me to say out loud (pretty easy to say anonymously on the internet though). Still, it makes me feel like a shallow selfish person.

   I feel like the divorce is coming soon though. I’m teetering between dread of change and excitement for the future. I think the excitement for the future will win out one of these days.

6. Simple answer: money and our kids.

   My husband recently told me he’s never been in love with me or attracted to me. I’ve always had self esteem issues, so I’ve always thought that, but to actually hear it was devastating. We haven’t had sex in almost 2 years. I’m dying to get out there, but we’re still living together, pretending to be a happy family. I can’t go out and market myself as a single woman looking for a boyfriend, but I also don’t want to be labeled a cheater.

7. I’ve thought about it during our rough patch but it always comes down to money. We bought a house not that long ago and all my money is sunk into it, it can’t be sold right now as it would bankrupt us. Plus we have pets that I just love and adore and I really can’t envision a life where I’m not with them. Staying together for the pets sounds pretty pathetic but maybe I’m just pathetic lol.