I run a game for a group of people at my school (for simplicity sake, let’s say its Dungeons and Dragons) on a weekly basis. We’ve been meeting weekly since October (apart from a two week break in December and a handful of canceled sessions). We typically play for about 3 hours. We have spent approximately 30 hours together in person + talking online in between sessions. Including myself, there are 4 of us. I am also part of other games with two of them throughout the week
Here is my problem, I really enjoy hanging out with them. I want to ask them if they want to go to dinner on a specific weekend at a specific local restaurant that not many people know of but has really good food (I plan to pay for a meal for each of them). I also don’t want to make things awkward and destroy our game group. I have a tendency to think I am friends with people I’ve spoken to just to find out they don’t consider me a friend and them never wanting to talk to me again. I seem to be incapable of making friends and nobody ever wants to talk to me. I want to take our friendship outside of d&d (if it even is friendship) but I am scared of ruining what is already there. If they say no, I fear I will come across as needy and awkward and they won’t want to play anymore. If any of them say yes, I fear it will be out of pity or something. If they do say yes, I fear I will mess up and be awkward outside of the setting of the game.
Should I risk everything and ask them, or should I play it safe and not ask?
1 comment
I can see why it weighs heavier on you to ask them to hang out since you’ve had a number of bad interactions that didn’t end well. But you can’t let that shape your future interactions.
When it comes to hanging out with people, I’ve learned that people like it when somebody initiates. People are waiting for an invite. And if they’re not interested, you just gotta move along. People who want to be there in your life, you don’t have to convince.
The way I initiate asking people to hang out, I just put out a plan when we’re together. Say, for instance, after a grueling 3 hours of doing an activity, I’ll say “Alright guys, let’s go eat.” See how they feel. If they’re like “Yeah I’m hungry,” then perfect, they’re down. Now you can go out.
If they’re like “Ahh…you know I got food at home.” Maybe they’re not interested.
With my friends, I think I’m charismatic enough to convince them otherwise lol. I tell them “Come on man. You deserve to eat out. Treat yourself.” In a joking way. If they say no, that’s okay.
You really can’t put too much weight on this, because the more it means to you, the more you can be disappointed.
Put out the plan.
“What’s your guys’ plan on the weekend?”
“Nothing.”
“Ooo cool. You guys tryna eat at this one place? Hella good food.”
Scenario 1: “Okay let’s do it.”
Scenario 2: “I’m not really feeling that kind of food.”
“Okay, well let’s kick it still! What are you guys feeling?”
Proceed to find a place to eat.
Scenario 3: “Ah, it’s okay. I’ve got something to do.”
“Alright no problem!”
Then move along.
Like I said. People who want to be there, you don’t have to convince them. People either are down or their not. But you can’t be hurting over people who aren’t hurting over you. Shoot, if I’m playing D&D with some people, I’m gonna want some food after 3 hours of that.