At casual gatherings, as I walk into a room filled with unfamiliar faces, I can feel my heart pounding in my chest. I still do approach people, listen and ask questions, but it feels like I have some type of force field around me. People stand up and leave to rather talk to others, while I’m left sitting alone, forcing a smile and pretending that I’m enjoying myself.
*If the background section is tltr skip to the questions at the end*
**Background**
I am a woman, currently studying. I am in my late twenties.
My past has been filled with loneliness and isolation. I’ve had a rough upbringing, and it’s left me struggling to express myself and to be comfortable with people. I fear that they’ll leave me, just like everyone else has in the past.
I feel like I’m not interesting enough, like my hobbies and interests aren’t worth talking about. People do not connect with me and I am so easily forgotten.
I’ve thought that maybe this is just how my life is meant to be, that I’m meant to be alone. But lately, as I’m faced with other challenges in my life, I can’t help but question my whole existence.
I’m in therapy and working on understanding myself better, but I am still struggling.
**Questions**
I do not understand how conversations work and how they lead to a friendship.
Do you have explicit examples of conversation starters?
How do you navigate through a conversation?
How do you build deeper connections?
How do you achieve being likeable and loved?
2 comments
Games People Play by Eric Berne can cure the most severe social retardation. Never Split The Difference by Chrism Voss is a great way to communicate in terms of high stress negotiations.
I have noticed that when people I meet start turning into friends there is an invite issued.
Recently I met someone who asked to start taking walks with them, a other invited my family to swim at their house, another invited my husband and I to go to Waffle House after we were drinking at the bar.
All of these invites were intended to deepen friendships. I think back to when we were kids and we used to say “let’s go play”
Even a small invite can lead to deeper connections. I go outside with the smokers when asked or notice they are all going. I don’t smoke but I know it’s a 10 minute social break and accept the invite.
Think about accepting the invites or get comfortable enough to issue some. Like “let’s go outside for some fresh air”. Or “do you want to go get something to eat later?”