I (F20) have always been pretty into fashion; though a decent crop top and a cardigan is usually my go-to outfit.
This is such an odd hill to die on, but I keep thinking about an argument I had with my boyfriend (M20) a couple days ago.
I was going to purchase this floral crop top/bralette/corset thing I keep seeing on TikTok. I thought it was kind of cute, so I showed him it commenting on how it looked nice. I was surprised at his response, “Wow, you want to wear lingerie as a shirt? That’s disgusting”.
I didn’t really think it was lingerie; but even if it was, it is just as covering as most crop tops I’d wear on a hot day- and he’s okay with that. And i said I would cover with a cardigan, too.
He said he was uncomfortable with this fashion choice; and said it was gross I wanted to flaunt my body around like that. He said that men would stare and think bad thoughts about me, and something bad could happen wearing something like that. He said it would be disrespectful of me to disregard him being uncomfortable and going ahead to wear it anyways.
I can see his point of view, I think- But Id appreciate third opinions about this. I’ve been in a few bad relationships and now I have troubles deciphering when something is bad and when something is okay.
TLDR: I think a shirt is not lingerie, my boyfriend said he thinks it is and is uncomfortable by it.
8 comments
I wouldn’t worry so much about controlling when he is voicing his opinions. I would worry about his values. He has disturbing values and a disturbing world view. When he sees you in clothing that makes you comfortable and feel good, he thinks about what other men will think and then wants to use that as a reason to affect your choices. And he thinks it somehow reflects on your respect for him. He thinks your preferences are gross and disgusting. So, I would be pretty disturbed by his general attitude towards women and towards relationships. Do his values reflect your values? It doesn’t sound like they do.
Your body, your choices my lovely. It’s nice that he cares, but I think he should see that fashions are changing and outlooks are also!
Anyone who will see this item of clothing as an invite for sexual confrontation is a waste of time and should be ashamed, wether it be lingerie or not, enjoy every bit of it and wear it how you please. Only take the positives and thank him for his opinion otherwise, but please hold your head up high.
🧡🤞
>He said that men would stare and think bad thoughts about me, and something bad could happen wearing something like that.
Gotta love it when people accidentally out themselves as creeps… he’s the one who is disgusting.
🚩 Your boyfriend thinks that clothing, and not sexual predators, causes sexual violence
🚩 He’s basically telling you that he has horrible creepy thoughts when he sees a woman who dares to show her belly or side boob or whatever
Get the top, and a new bf while you’re at it
What misogynistic views he has. Sounds like hd thinks women who wear this deserve to be assaulted. Don’t date someone like that. Women are assaulted no matter what they wear. Men don’t suddenly become rapists when they see women wearing skimpy clothes.
i agree with everyone who says it’s your choice, not his (and lbr, gross men who objectify you are gonna do that no matter what you’re wearing).
however the real reason i commented is to ask what the top looks like and where to cop because i have absolutely no problem with wearing a bralette as a top.
He’s the one who’s disgusting. He doesn’t get to control you.
So how do you reply about how disrespectful it would be of MEN to think anything whatsoever about YOU, based on your clothing choices?
Disrespect cuts both ways. And guys who are going to stare and ‘think bad thoughts about you’ will do so whether you are wearing a crop top or neck to ankle bin liners, because that is how they are. Disrespectful.