Hello everyone, so I am texting here mainly because I need opinion from someone not included in this situation.
Me ( 22) and my boyfriend (21) met at Erasmus, we are together for 3 months and I am really in love, which doesn’t happen to me really often. More it doesn’t that it does.
But Erasmus is ending in less than 2 weeks and I stand before really hard decision to make.
Go home or stay as zero – grant student.
Almost everyone is leaving and I am scared to stay. It’s honestly gonna really make my life harder. I would have to work to survive here. I already know that I won’t be financially secure, at least not as much as I am used to.
I am also in my last semester of bachelor study so finishing school is gonna get harder aswell.
Long distance is not really something for me, so that’s not really an option for me.
Also my boyfriend has 1 more year at Uni. I know that we are together shortly and I should be just enjoying the moment and don’t really think about future, but it crosses my mind what’s going to happens if I stay here, finish the career and start working. Am I going to move to Spain and work? Meanwhile he is gonna study, party and enjoy student life with his friends… don’t get me wrong there is definitely nothing wrong with that, but what scares me is that I am gonna move to somewhere I don’t know anyone and I am gonna get to attached to him.
So basically I’m asking what would you do in my shoes? Would you stay and put everything on line or just bite the bullet and go back home?
TLDR: I met my bf on Erasmus, now Erasmus is ending and I really don’t know if I should stay here, put everything on line or just move back.
3 comments
Do not make huge decisions changing all your plans on a 3 month relationship
“Long distance is not really something for me, so that’s not really an option for me.”
Why not? I know long-distance is a challenging and many people say it’s not for them, but for the right relationship with a clear end date many people make it work every day. If this is a relationship worth upending your entire life for, it’s also a relationship worth doing a year of long-distance for.
Staying for someone you’ve only known for three months is a terrible idea (for a whole host of reasons). But long-distance for a short time while you both finish school, get to know each other better, and then make an actual plan for how you’ll be together in a way that is beneficial to both of you and more financially secure just makes good sense. If you really can’t do the difficult parts of that, then breaking up probably is the best option. If the relationship isn’t worth the hardships of long-distance it’s not worth the hardships of moving after just three months.
I’d suggest you really reconsider why you’re dismissing long-distance as an option and talk to him about what that would look like, whether he’s willing to consider a move in a year, what it would look like for you to move to him after finishing school, etc.
You’re immediately discounting the option that allows you to stay together in a way that is healthy, build a future with a solid foundation, etc. in favor of either an impulsive option that puts a lot of stress on a brand new relationship and torpedos your life trajectory in a risky way or an option where you potentially miss out on something you seem to think is truly good. Long-distance goes poorly in poor relationships (because it both magnifies and masks specific problems) but it is doable in healthy ones. What is it you’re concerned about with that option that is more risky or uncomfortable than staying or ending things?
Enjoy the time that you have together. But when the program is over, break up, go back home, and move forward with your life. Breaking up doesn’t mean that you don’t like each other, only that a full-time relationship at this moment probably isn’t the best thing.
Keep in touch if it makes sense. If one of you goes to see the other, enjoy your time together. But keep it casual. If something more is meant to be, it’ll happen down the line.
The human mind isn’t even done developing until 25 or so anyway. The person you are at 30 is usually pretty different from the person you are at 20. So take it easy and don’t make this a bigger thing that needs to be right now. ESPECIALLY if there are financial consequences.