I truly feel stuck. I’ve been with my bf for 6 years. He has had jobs on and off but always goes months without a job before getting a new one. When he gets a job, he doesn’t show good work ethic and will show up late or call out or stop going all together. He says that he is trying to find a job where he is happy going into work every day, and that I need to be more supportive of him finding this.
The thing is, I WANT him to find this job, and I do what I can to support him. But his expectations are unrealistic and he always has an excuse as to why he doesn’t want a job. When he does have a job he has terrible work ethic and always has a “fuck corporate” mindset. Meaning, he’ll show up an hour late or take an extra hour for lunch, or no call no show because he doesn’t get paid enough. This is probably the 5th time in our relationship where he has been out of work for 3 months.
I’ve supported his decision to try different career paths, he’s tried going to college 3 times and is always put on academic suspension because he stops doing the work for his classes (I don’t expect him to go to college but always support him when he chose to)
Every job that he applies to or gets he immediately starts to talk negative about it. For example: he finally got a job and was supposed to start today. Before even starting he has been complaining for the last 2 weeks that “$18 an hour is shit pay” and make comments like “I can’t wait to be miserable again 40 hours a week” and “m-f is such a terrible schedule I don’t want to do it”. I try to sympathize with him and let him know that I also hate working full time but we can still have a life outside of work.
Anyways, today was his first day and he woke up swearing because he didnt want to go and started blaming me saying that I am forcing him to work a miserable job. I keep trying to be positive, telling him that this job may be different and he hasnt gone yet so we can’t judge it yet.
I feel stuck because he says I’m not supportive of him finding a career he loves but I’m supporting us both on a new teacher salary and I can’t do it. And I feel like we’ve been in the scenario so many times and Im just desperate for him to work anywhere because we need the money and I’m starting to feel worried that he will never want to work. It makes me feel hopeless about our future. I don’t know what else I can do to support him?
7 comments
He’s as lazy af and by claiming you’re not supportive shifts the blame from him to you. Tell that deadbeat to suck it up and get a job.
Your boyfriend has installed buttons in you that activate when he whines and cries about how hard life is. For some reason, you are keeping those buttons close to your heart.
Girl! Kick him and his hard luck life to the curb! He is writing a great and epic story where he is the victim and you are the villain holding him back from greatness. Release the poor, misunderstood boy to go become great without your interference.
You will be amazed at how much easier and cheaper life will be for you when you only have yourself to take care of. Who knows, as a single, you may meet someone who is willing to sacrifice to support you and your life goals for a change. Good luck OP.
>I don’t know what else I can do to support him
Tough love,
find a new place to live you move he can stay there. Let him pay his own way for a while.
Welcome to the rest of your life of you stay with this man. Sounds horrifying, doesn’t it?
He will not change. But you are not stuck. You are not being held captive.
If this person is not the one for you, tell him, and start moving on.
He’s freeloading, no ifs ands or buts about it. You’ve encouraged his behavior by continuing to foot the bills while he dicks around. I’m all for giving the middle finger to corporations but the sad thing is we live in a capitalistic society and we need to play the game to stay afloat. I joke a lot that I’m not built to work 40 hours a week, and I dream of a future where I dont have to clock in to survive, but I play the game because I’m not about to make my existence someone else’s problem. I have a girlfriend I plan on moving in with and marrying in a few years and I’ll be damned if I end up making her stress about money. It’s been 6 years. He’s not going to change. Even if he was working a crappy job while working towards a career he genuinely enjoys, it’d be a weight off your shoulders but he doesn’t care. He’ll continue to dick around because time and again there have been no ‘real’ consequences. Not keeping a job is his choice, staying with him and paying his bills is yours.
Time to dump him.
Girl. Stop supporting him. I know you mean well but honestly, all you’re doing is giving him room to keep this half assed bitch and moan attitude about something he NEEDS to do to get by in this life.
Look. Work sucks. Some work sucks harder and more often than other types of work. I also despise corporate life and hustle culture with every fibre of my being. But getting a series of entry level jobs that you then fail out of because you take the piss showing up late and taking 2 hour lunches is not some kind of “rage against the machine” moral stand. It’s just fucking stupid, because those jobs can replace you in a heartbeat most of the time and the only person screwed at the end of the day is you.
All jobs suck some of the time. Even jobs where you do the thing you love most. If your boyfriend expects to find some magical role where he’s paid to pursue his passion and also never feels bored or frustrated or negative about working full time, he has dogshit for brains. You do anything repetitively enough and you’ll get sick of it. That’s just how humans work, most of us anyway. So he’s setting an unrealistic goal which he can’t hope to achieve, and then blaming you for his unhappiness, whilst also bitching through the entire process and continuing to live off your dime.
This dude ain’t it, girl. And he’s never going to learn that he can’t live this way if you keep patting his back and handholding him through this. Tell him if he doesn’t keep this job for at least 6 months, you’re kicking him out. Tell him you don’t want to hear about how miserable it is to work full time because you do it every day and you’re out of sympathy for him. He can bring in some money and learn to manage his own (wildly immature) emotions, or he can kick rocks. It’s time for HIM to support YOU.