I have sex with my wife every weekend and I want to start being more dominant, I’m already pretty dominant as far as taking initiative but I want to say things to her dominantly that also won’t degrade her. I see a lot of posts here and in other subreddits where the dom calls the sub a slut, whore, or bitch but I can’t bring myself to call my wife these things because I don’t think of her as any of those things, she’s the most wonderful person in the world to me, it’s why I married her.
The other problem with this is since I can’t call my wife anything degrading it instead just becomes more romantic, passionate sex where all I say is kind things to her which is great but I kinda want something in between. I need to know what I can say to her that won’t degrade her but also won’t sound too romantic/passionate. The only phrase that has worked for me for this is calling her a good girl but that’s the only one I got and I don’t just want to keep saying the same thing over and over again. Please help.
21 comments
It’s time to set your boundaries. Write down what you will and won’t say or do. Go over this list with your wife and ask her to also tell her boundaries. Come to an agreement.
“You’re such a good girl when you do that”
“This is what you wanted isn’t it?”
“I’m proud of you, you’re doing so well!”
“Keep doing that, that drives me crazy”
“This is what you deserve”
My husband did the same thing, tried calling me slut, whore, etc. It was a turnoff the way he said it. Instead I told him to say “you’re *my* slut” and “my dirty girl”. It at least feels better when he says I’m his instead of some generic slut lol
One of the things I say is “you like the way that big cock feels in you?” Or “god I love the way your pussy still feels!) You’re talking dirty but not be disrespectful
“Look at you taking my cock so well. I fucking love the way you feel”
“Get on your knees. Ass up. Like a perfect little doll”
“Come here. I wanna see your pretty face covered in my cum”
All of this with consent of course. Dominance looks like many things and doesn’t have to be degrading.
A lot can be translated through actions too. Grab her hair close to the scalp and gently tug her back into your chest. Whisper in her ear about how much you need her pussy, how deep you’re about to come inside her, how you can’t control yourself around her.
Some phrases to search are praise kink, gentle dom, and pleasure dom.
it depends what kind of sex you have. If this is gentle and calm sex with kisses, you need to say what you feel, words of affection and love. If it’s hard sex, you need to use dirty words. Girls need gentle sex and sometimes hard sex. Tell me if it helps you)
Think about giving her firm directions of what you want her to do. Depending on the vibe that works for you two it doesn’t need to be angry or scary. You can just be calm yet firm. You’re the boss whether she’s sucking your cock, putting her arms over her head in missionary, or laying back so you can eat her pussy.
A few specifics that can work in while you’re already fucking can be telling her to open for you, give you her ass, ride you the way you like.
“You’re almost as good as my ex baby keep going!!!”
“I want to do so many things to you, you have no idea ” .
My husband could never call me those things either. He says like, yea you like that, you love this di** don’t you, wow what a good girl for taking it, do you want me to spank you, you better not cum right now or il make you pay for it later, cum for me.
Just be confident, sometimes it’s all in the eye contact and a firm hand.
Google “praise kink” and see if that fits.
Sometimes I just repeat the words ” butternut squash” faster and faster until completion.
I think my number one recommendation here is to basically add swears–you can say something that would be totally normal in romantic/passionate sex like “get on your knees for me” but add swears and it’s “get on your fucking knees for me.” No degradation but also quite a bit less romantic.
Just say , “I’m taking you now, you’re mine” she’ll melt
[removed]
I tend to like the comment
“Your mine” lol
Probably best to just ask ahead of time so you know her boundaries and turn offs. Yes, it may make everything feel a little manufactured when the time comes, but I think it’s better than the alternative, which is overstepping and upsetting/offending your wife in the middle of sex.
I wouldn’t mind adding some dirty talk in my own relationship, but my wife is pretty reserved and (in my opinion) easily offended, particularly around sex. If I just launched into some of the suggestions people have made here, believe me things would not end well. Of course, that would mean having a candid conversation with my wife about my interest in adding sexy talk to our lovemaking and unfortunately I know how those conversations go — awkward, embarrassing, and usually only marginally productive.
“Your boner garage is parking it like a pro tonight.”
Hubby is just starting to become more dominant, and he stays away from anything degrading, thankfully.
He has veered toward being bossy. When I’m close, he’ll say in my ear in a forceful whisper, “come for me, I want you to come all over my hand, scream my name” things like that. He’ll be physically dominant during foreplay, taking my hand(s) as he pleasures me and directing my hand elsewhere (such as to his penis, to my clit, to his nipples, or to my nipples).
I would suggest you lean into the “bossy” part of domming. I mean, you’re doing this to please her, so be dominant to ensure that she gets the most pleasure from what you do. Tell her to do things. Move her hands or body to do things. See how those options work for you.
Lay praise on thick, but be specific. What makes something sexy is us usually the specifics.
Consider also just..: telling her what to do but authoritatively lol