I pushed my husband because he was throwing stuff and wouldn’t leave.

For months on end I’ve been asking him to help more with our child. I have the complete mental load and responsibilities when it comes to him… My SO works full time and I work part time, but it seems like everything a parent should do for their child, I do by myself unless I ask for help. I constantly have to ask him for help and I’ve told it that it is literally driving me crazy. I’ve gotten resentful, and I’ve told him that I’m resenting him because he always says he will help with that mental load but never follows through. I’ve cried, I’ve expressed to him how much it is actually affecting me, and nothing changes. I feel stuck. I’ve ended up telling him really shitty things like he’s a crappy parent and that parents shouldn’t be told to take care of their child. He in the past has also had anger problems in throwing stuff or hitting holes in the wall and I think that’s contributed to me saying such ugly things because I’m just resentful as all get out towards him at this point.
Well, last night I asked if he packed his diaper bag (which I had to ask him to do) right after explaining to him he needs to read out some day cares messages too and partake in knowing what’s going on and what’s needed, and he said he will, then I reminded him what our son needed in his bag, and after the bag was packed also asked if he packed everything, and he said yes. Then today when I pick up my child see that he literally didn’t pack what he needed after we talked about it. It really set me off, because why tell me you did when you didn’t. This is exactly the thing that has been driving me nuts. The fact that I have to ask him in the first place, and then monitor him, and then recheck everything to make sure he actually does it….. it is such a strain on my mental, and honestly I can’t just “not check” because then my child would be going without, or would be neglected in some way. I can’t let my child suffer because my husband doesn’t do what is needed as a parent.
He is not a terrible person, but he isn’t mindful and he is sorta lazy, and I’ve told him I’ve been feeling like a servant in a way that I’m literally scared that if I wasn’t around my child would be neglected. He would miss appointments, his insurance would expire, he wouldn’t pack things he needs. He wouldn’t potty train him (because I have to make him) Our son can walk around the house with snot on his face and my husband won’t wipe it unless I ask him to. He won’t go and buy him medicine unless asked. It just drives me crazy.
Today I told him he was a crappy parent and he threw things, sorta at my direction. I told him that he needs to leave and when he didn’t I sorta got upset and tried to push him towards the door. Mainly because I’ve asked that he doesn’t throw things or punch holes in our house period anymore. And instead of leaving he refused and it pissed me off because I told him in the past that if he does that he will be asked to leave. I’m just at a loss. I was going to therapy awhile back but stopped. He actually started a week ago, but idk if I even want this anymore. A part of me wants to move out. He knows that which is why he started therapy, but I don’t know if my resentment will go away because actions seem to stay the same. I don’t like how I’ve been feeling towards him about it all. Does anyone have any insight.
He is a good parent in other ways, the fun ways but I don’t like feeling like I’m the 1950’s as servant mom who has to handle the mental load of everything. 😔 ask, check, ask, monitor, re check. Ugh. How can I control my own anger about this? I know I’m not the only mom who has been in this situation, how did you overcome the anger and resentment?