There are a ton variables and non written rules. It feels like I’m not doing anything right cuz I end up making a situation awkward. How do people do it?
Like earlier, I was at class at uni. And there was this girl sitting close to me. I didn’t talk to her until the end of class. I asked her abt hw and asking if she understood what we were supposed to do. We were both clueless so we were laughing abt it. Then I asked her her name and I introduced myself. But for some reason, right after that moment it felt awkward and she just said bye and left immediately. Maybe she thought I was shooting my shot but I wasn’t going for that. Or I might’ve been too abrupt in the introduction or I did it in a clumsy but idk for sure since she won’t tell me and will prob avoid me from now on lol.
I greatly struggle with new people and stuff like this happen a lot to me. So like can someone tell me what I did wrong?
6 comments
That is normal. Sometimes meeting new people creates awkward moments.
You shouldn’t take it personal unless you know you did something wrong.
Why she left quickly, i don’t know and neither do you so don’t waste anytime thinking and analyzing it.
Move on and meet new people.
Yeah, these things are super subtle and subjective even… impossible to know for sure, especially just by reading your version of it – not that there’s anything wrong with your version, but I mean she probably has a completely different point of view hidden from all in her head.
Even if I saw the situation sitting next to you, I’d have a third interpretation and so on.
Since we can only try to guess out of endless possibilities…
You said it was the end of the class, right? So maybe she simply was going somewhere. She did say bye to you, as in I’ll head out now, simple as that perhaps.
I mean, just introducing oneself to a classmate doesn’t automatically mean hanging out.
It does sound a little abrupt though, but the reasons for that could be anything from casual to her misunderstanding you of hitting on her to that specific person just not looking for more social interaction with anyone.
For example, I knowingly avoid people who try to get to know me in some situations, as a passive way of communicating that I’m not interested in any more interaction.
But yeah. Just one way to see it.
I’ve learned people can be just as awkward or even more awkward than me, and it rarely has to do with anything I’ve done. This might just be one of those things.
Awkward is what you make of it.
Sounds like you were trying to be nice. Doesnt seem like you did anything “wrong” but we only know your interpretation of the whole thing. Awkward is the space where you feel uncomfortable. Its all in your head. If you dont feel awkward, then its not awkward for you. Maybe she just said goodbye because she was heading to her next class. In the end, it doesn’t matter, really. If she liked the conversation, she will be open to the next small talk (maybe you meet her and ask how she did the homework, or if she got to understand the assignment). If she isnt interested, she will show you in the next conversation. Even if you did everything right, she might not want to be talking to you, so worrying is just wasted energy.
Good luck friend
Meeting new people is suppose to be an awkward experience. You don’t know what makes him / her laugh or know what makes them get your attention or what makes them angry etc… The point here is as a stranger, the goal here is to get to know them, is to understand who they are as a person.
If they reciprocate and ask questions, great, they get to know your personality. Then you see how the relationship flows, that’s it.
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Now, how the social pros do it is they understood the awkward phase is there but they quickly get out of that. It’s hard to put it in text but I could say that they kind of lean towards acting as if they know each other already.
You both did something wrong. You didn’t send out enough positive, reassuring signals. Humans are inherently very insecure socially, even most of the ones who seem secure–they seem secure because they are constantly sending out reassuring signals, and thus inducing them from others.
Sometimes a “All right, well see you around” with a warm smile shows you’re in control of the situation and that everything is fine. But you weren’t any more responsible for that than she was.