Me and my girlfriend have been together over 2 years, we’ve travelled the world, have lived together for about 2 years, have lots in common and can seemingly get along doing almost anything together.
Last week, she told me that she kissed some guy she had met a few days before, there’s no potential for any more contact between them as he was just here briefly, but she did say if it weren’t for our relationship, she would’ve went further.
When she told me, I was hurt, but didn’t overreact, and also recognized that I haven’t been as attentive as I could be lately. I had a lot going on and just couldn’t find the effort or emotional and mental space to be the kind of boyfriend I had been in the past, there were things I needed to take care of that I thought would help our relationship, but they were weighing me down and I was constantly tired, but I thought they’d be worth it for our future.
After I’d taken care of these things, I found myself falling in love with her all over again. I myself had thought about ending things around 6 months ago, but for whatever reason I decided to give it more time, then she kissed somebody else before I had the time to demonstrate I was making changes that I thought we’d both value.
She says she needs time, which is hard when we still live together. I say I’m willing to work on the relationship and that I don’t feel like this is something we can’t overcome, she says she doesn’t know and that my current efforts to improve our relationship might be too late.
I find myself feeling like I’m more in love with her than ever, I can’t be certain it isn’t partially fuelled by jealousy, it’s hard to grasp what my own emotions are, but I feel as though I haven’t felt like this about her in a long time.
I just don’t know what to do. Should I leave and give her some space? Should I do something stupidly romantic, a last ditch effort? Should I go talk to a professional and see if I’m conflating jealousy with love?
I’d love to hear whatever anybody has to say, from whatever angle, I’m just wanting to anonymously vent and hope to hear about somebody who has went through something similar so maybe I can feel less alone.
Thanks all.
17 comments
She kissed another dude but youre the one not doing “enough” to keep the relationship going.
Yea. Its over.
Whatever you do, don’t leave if you want to reconcile.
Keep showing her, do the big romantic gesture if you can work one in naturally and not publicly.
The fact that your feel partially to blame says a lot of your love for her, and if she hasn’t asked you to leave says a lot for her love for you.
Make your gesture unique to her. Build quality time tailored entirely to her, or better the best combo of you both, but don’t accept more than your fair share of the blame.
She needs to learn to communicate her feelings of neglect better and give you a fair chance to meet her needs before seeking elsewhere
This time is a kiss, next time it’s a dick
“but didn’t overreact”. Thoughtful of you to maintain the presence of mind to react with absolutely no backlash when told you were cheated on.
How many times would it take before you get upset?
She has the heart of a cheater, my friend. She likes the attention of other men and the adrenaline rush that comes from teasing the boundaries of infidelity. Drop her, there is nothing for you long term.
Have some self respect and know when you’re being played as someone’s plan B. She cheated. You’re begging for her back? Why would you want that?
She cheated on you, has no remorse for her actions, and goes as far to say if you weren’t there she would have done more.
So end it before she goes all the way, if she hasn’t already.
So she kisses another guy and your solution was it’s was your fault and you should try harder man your going to get walked all over and cheated on a lot more if you don’t fix that.
I am confused she respects you enough not to have sex but not enough to not kiss other guy? I am more of the view she respects you not at all and circumstances scuppered her chance of sex. Please tell me you are not falling for the I am unfaithful just not that unfaithful line! This is your chance to saw through the branch so she can’t monkey over to someone else! I have heard that some women actually are able to keep their hands lips and vaginas away from potential new suitors when they are in relationships controversial I know OP try finding one of those women to be with, because the juice is not worth the squeeze on your current person!
That sounds like an exit affair.
She kissed him and told you so that you can leave her and when you didn’t, this is her reaction –
> She says she needs time.
> she says she doesn’t know and that my current efforts to improve our relationship might be too late.
Leave, there is no reason to pull up unnecessary weight in the relationship.
When you get cheated on you don’t wonder what’s wrong with you, because the answer is nothing. A cheater is a cheater because of themselves, not you.
So she cheated. Time to leave.
But for your next relationship, keep in mind, a relationship is like a garden. If you completely neglect it while you focus on other things, when you finally come back, it will be dead. You can’t just put your partner to the side and expect them to be cool with that. If you can’t find time for your relationship, you will lose it.
I think if you chase after her, it won’t have the effect you want. My suggestion is to take time apart. Break it off, and if you’re meant to be together, it’ll happen. Best case scenario is she’ll realize that you’re the one for her after you leave. Right now, you pursuit is just telling her that she can go for others while you chase her.
You should leave and give her some very permanent space. Fact is, she cheated on you. Your level of attentiveness isn’t to blame, she is. She willingly chose to cheat on you and said you were the barrier that prevented her from going further.
Have some respect for yourself, cause she clearly doesn’t respect you or your relationship.
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It sounds to me, only based on what you write here, that she’s fallen/falling more and more out of love with you.
Idk if she likes the other guy more, but she does sound unhappy in the relationship. Of course, she doesn’t have the integrity to not cheat on you but yeah, tsk, I almost think the relationship may be over for you guys.
You are allowed to be upset, obviously, at her. And yes, express that upset too (without violence, obviously). But it sounds that you may have done something or have been ‘neglecting’ the relationship that you’re already rife with guilt to even comprehend your feeling of betrayal.
Hence, I really think the relationship is kind of over with.
I’m pretty sure that if she kissed another guy and now she isn’t “sure” that your relationship is beyond repair. She should be begging you to forgive her not compare what you’ve done to her. It actually sounds like she was hoping you were going to end it. She’s not a kid, she should know her own mind. Ask her flat out if she wants to break up and if she says anything other than no, break up