Occasionally I’ll go to a bar or something and strike a conversation with somebody, only if they are standing near me or sitting next to me though. There is some context for conversation, like what are you drinking/ buying.

I for the life of me can’t approach anyone not near me as that casual conversation starter disappears, and I’m only left with “Hi, I thought you were cute and wanted to say hi”. My method also fails should a person I want to talk to sit on the other side of the bar for example.

I also struggle with actually getting numbers as well. I never feel like there is enough rapport to ask.

I don’t really have any consistent social hobbies. I usually get bored pretty easy and like to try different things, but this is really bad for meeting women as it pretty much only leaves me with cold approaches as a way to talk to people vs forming bonds in a group.

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  2. Not really a fan of cold approaching from my experience, so I would say it may be better to focus on meeting women through groups or your friends/ social networks. I feel that that would lead to better results as you are more likely to feel safe, comfortable and get to know other women better.

    If you must insist on sticking with cold approaching, you may want to work on having small talk, and getting over being uncomfortable in asking for numbers, as you mentioned that you feel limited in terms of starring conversing or escalating. Maybe it might be better if you have a wingman to help too.

  6. Female here. I spent a fair amount of time in bars as a single woman and was approached often. Your cold approach does not have to include a “pickup line”. One line does not make or break you. Simply letting them know you noticed them and wanted to know if you could buy them a drink is ok. Don’t be creepy; if they refuse, don’t take it personally. Say thanks anyway and have a great night. If they accept, know that you don’t necessarily have to immediately say a lot about yourself because ideally, you should be asking questions about her. It always made me more comfortable when the questions weren’t immediately too personal (“Do you live around here? What do you do for work?” Etc) because that throws up a red flag for us on personal safety. Ease into that stuff. Start with safer topics -“So what do you think of this band?…. That’s an interesting tattoo, tell me about it….Do you like to dance?…Tell me about your day….Are you celebrating this evening?” If you ask a question and she answers, ask a follow up. Always. Demonstrate interest. If she’s worth talking to, she’ll ask questions about you, too. If you truly have no hobbies or interests, then that’s a separate problem and you should work on cultivating that part of your life simply for personal fulfillment, but it’s not necessary for having a conversation at a bar. The key is to demonstrate true interest in the person you’re talking to. Conversations that have gone well into the night for me often turned into games like 20 Questions or 2 Truths and a Lie. But that was after establishing rapport and having a chemistry that we both recognized after a bit. If after talking awhile, you really like her, be clear and say – “I really like talking to you.” Give her an opportunity to end it or extend it. Best of luck to you! I hope you have fun, enjoy yourself, and meet some phenomenal people.

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