This might be long. I’ll try to keep it short.
I was with someone I loved very much for several years, 3 years ago now. We had to break up due to us not wanting the same thing at the time. Things have changed.
I’ve never met anybody I’ve felt the same towards again. I still think about him all of the time. I managed to have other relationships and put those thoughts down to the back of my mind, even bury them for a few months at a time, but they always came back.
My last ex and I broke up a year ago. We were together for roughly 9 months. He was abusive, controlling, and narcissistic in the worst ways. He used me and everybody around him for his own selfish gain. He forced me in to sexual things I didn’t want to do, regularly talked to me like I was stupid, and always turned blame on to me any time he did something wrong. One time we argued and he got in my face in a threatening manner. He also broke things out of anger. He demanded I quit my job and rely on him financially. That is a massive tl;dr.
Fast forward to now. The person I really like and I started talking more (we spoke sporadically every once and awhile, just “how are yous” until recently). I’m still single, he’s been single this whole time. I broke down and told him everything because my abusive ex turned the vast majority of my irl friend group against me somehow. This person has ever since been trying to help me. We hang out and go do fun stuff, he attempts to distract me from the pain. He helps me with things like car issues. But he still gives me plenty of space and isn’t pushy at all about anything, he’s just trying to be there to help me.
I am pretty sure I’m reading it right and he would be with me again. I would really like to, now that the thing that broke us up is gone, but I’m so scared of relationships now. Like, absolutely terrified of them. Getting in one freaks me out so badly that I can’t even fathom it, because I don’t know how to open up any more after what my most recent ex did to me, it’s the weirdest feeling ever… I don’t even know how to explain it. It’s just a mental block that’s really strong.
I’m so afraid I’ll lose my chance with this person I really like due to my intense fear of being in a relationship. I feel like he can easily find someone else at any time, and I’ll miss out on someone I truly love because I’m scared of relationships.
Tl;dr: I have someone I love in reach, but abuse has left me terrified of relationships. I would really like advice on what I should do here.